Introduction
Developmental Task Theory (Roisman et al.,
2004) posits that involvement in romantic relationships becomes a salient developmental task during late adolescence and early adulthood, and delaying or not meeting this task is related to adverse outcomes. Indeed, romantic relationships become increasingly prevalent throughout these ages, with over half of adolescents having been romantically involved by the age of 16, and the large majority by early adulthood (Carver et al.,
2003). Romantic relationships not only become more common, but also shift in their qualities and functions across these ages: they become longer-lasting and a main source of support and intimacy (Collibee & Furman,
2015; Lantagne & Furman,
2017). A comprehensive investigation of the specific features of romantic relationship development that withdrawal affects and is affected by has been lacking in the extant literature. This study focused on the longitudinal associations between social withdrawal and romantic relationships in late adolescence and early adulthood. Specifically, it investigated to what extent withdrawal contributed to deviations from normative romantic development and the interplay between withdrawal and couples’ perceptions of the quality of relationships. Three key features were examined as indicators of romantic development: involvement (lifetime involvement, current involvement, and timing), relationship quantity (number of partners and relationship duration), and relationship quality (commitment, satisfaction, support, and conflict; Collins,
2003).
Social withdrawal is an umbrella term referring to the voluntary self-isolation from familiar and unfamiliar others through the consistent display of solitary behaviors, such as avoiding social interaction and spending excessive time alone (Rubin et al.,
2009). The motivation to withdrawal varies between individuals and differentiates three types of withdrawal: shyness, unsociability, and avoidance (Coplan & Armer,
2007; Ozdemir et al.,
2015). Phenotypic withdrawal behaviors overlap across these withdrawal types. The current study uses the term “social withdrawal” to refer to the global, multidimensional, behavioral phenotype of voluntary self-isolation. Previous studies using this global conceptualization have indicated that 12 to 23% of individuals are persistently withdrawn throughout adolescence, and that withdrawn adolescents report less social affiliation, social contact, and social competence, and more anxiety than their non-withdrawn peers (Barzeva et al.,
2019a; Tang et al.
2017). The romantic development of withdrawn adolescents and young adults may differ from the normative patterns due to deviations in previous social experiences that are usually conducive to romantic involvement, such as friendships (Kingery et al.,
2010). The sequential stage theory of heterosexual romantic relationship emergence states that youth develop social-emotional competencies in the context of same-sex friendships in childhood, and start to apply these competencies in mixed-sex peer groups during adolescence (Connolly et al.,
2004; Connolly et al.,
2000). Mixed-sex groups provide opportunities to learn how to approach and interact with opposite-sex peers, who are also potential dating partners. Withdrawn youth, however, do not follow this cascade of development (Nelson et al.,
2008). They experience difficulties initiating and maintaining same-sex friendships, subsequently leading to a smaller mixed-sex peer group. Not participating in a mixed-sex peer group hinders the development of important social skills for romantic relationship initiation and maintenance, and limits the size of adolescents’ dating pool.
Withdrawn youth’s formative experiences may set the stage for non-normative or delayed romantic relationship involvement and quantity in late adolescence and beyond (Raley et al.,
2007; Shulman & Connolly,
2013). That is, having had fewer opportunities to learn how to approach and interact with opposite-sex peers in adolescence (Barry et al.,
2013; Nelson et al.,
2008) is likely to contribute to anxiety, rejection sensitivity (Gazelle & Druhen,
2009), and avoidance of novel social situations, such as when asking someone out on a date, and hence to delay romantic involvement. While this is a provoking notion, the empirical work on withdrawn individuals’ romantic involvement has been scarce, has mainly concerned the shyness aspect of withdrawal, and shows somewhat mixed findings. A seminal study of shy children born in the 1920s found that men, but not women, who were shy as children were older than their non-shy counterparts when they first married (Caspi et al.,
1988). More recent studies have found that withdrawn and inhibited individuals become romantically involved at an older age than their more sociable peers (Boisvert & Poulin,
2016; Meeus et al.,
2011), and those who were currently involved were less shy than those who were not (Roswell & Coplan,
2013; with an exception in Schmidt et al.
2017). The relations between withdrawal and romantic relationship quantity have never been tested directly, but one study found that shy young adults date less frequently (Leck,
2006), suggesting a possible effect of withdrawal on the quantitative features of romantic relationships, such as the number of partners and the duration of relationships. If withdrawn youth likewise date less frequently, it would suggest that they change partners less often, leading to having fewer partners with possibly longer relationship durations.
Entering a romantic relationship for the first time might have an effect on youth’s withdrawal. Developmental Task Theory suggests that when life events are off-time—occurring earlier or later than the majority of peers—adolescents experience negative social sanctions for deviating from the normative pattern of development and receive fewer social resources from peers (Furman & Collibee,
2014). When adolescents’ life events become normative in the context of their peers’ experiences, social sanctions may be lifted and more social resources provided, leading to greater socio-emotional adjustment. Additionally, the first romantic relationship is unique and of particular importance to young adults’ socio-emotional adjustment because it represents a shift in social identity, namely as a “girlfriend” or “boyfriend” (Raley et al.,
2007). This new identity, and the social roles and experiences that come with it, changes how young adults perceive themselves and are perceived by others; when entering a romantic relationship for the first time, young adults feel an increase in autonomy, status, belonging, and social support, and may be seen by others as more mature and as a potential dating partner (Raley et al.,
2007). These provisions may lead to a decrease in social withdrawal. Although an intriguing proposal, the effect of reaching the developmental task of romantic involvement on youth’s withdrawal has not been tested yet.
Despite the possible decrease of withdrawal when entering a romantic relationship for the first time, withdrawn adolescents and young adults may differ from their non-withdrawn peers in the qualities of their romantic relationships. By late adolescence and early adulthood, individuals are better equipped with relationship maintenance skills and start seeking and entering longer-lasting, more committed, supportive, and exclusive relationships than early adolescents (Shulman & Connolly,
2013). Starting from about 17 years of age, young adults transition from more sporadic romantic relationship involvements that resemble friendships to more intimate and committed relationships with a greater dyadic orientation (Seiffge-Krenke,
2003; Shulman & Connolly,
2013). In turn, being involved in a committed romantic relationship is linked to a decline in emotional problems in early adulthood (Meeus et al.,
2007). The transition to more committed relationships may occur later for withdrawn young adults, who have less romantic experience due to delays in romantic involvement. Thus, higher withdrawal might predict lower commitment in young adults’ romantic relationships, and lower commitment, in turn, predict higher withdrawal. Furthermore, it is well documented that the formative qualities of adolescent friendships are linked to concurrent and future romantic relationship qualities (Collins & Van Dulmen,
2006; Collins et al.,
2009). Withdrawn youth tend to report friendships characterized by low support and high conflict (Rubin et al.,
2006), which likely translates into less satisfying romantic relationships. Empirical studies on the effects of withdrawal on romantic relationship qualities are rare, however, and have predominantly focused on the effects of shyness on relationship satisfaction. These studies have consistently found that shy adolescents and young adults report lower satisfaction than more sociable individuals (Luster et al.,
2013; Nelson et al.,
2008; Roswell & Coplan,
2013; Tackett et al.,
2013; except in Schmidt et al.,
2017). This effect is speculated to occur because of withdrawn individuals’ social inhibition and rejection sensitivity, which leads to decreased responsiveness, self-disclosure, and intimacy with their romantic partners (Luster et al.,
2013). These characteristics might likewise be related to support and conflict.
Another possible reason for the low romantic relationship quality ratings of withdrawn youth are negative cognitive biases. When assessing their relationships, withdrawn individuals might report low quality because they are more attentive toward the negative aspects of their relationships and recall more negative interactions with their romantic partners (Gazelle & Duhen,
2009). In that case, their romantic partners might have more positive perceptions of the relationship. While untested in withdrawn young adults’ romantic relationships, these effects have been found in the romantic relationships of individuals with high attachment anxiety, which is characteristic of withdrawn individuals’ attachment style (Roswell & Coplan,
2013; Rubin et al.,
2009). Anxiously attached individuals perceive more conflict and less support in their romantic relationships than securely attached ones, and these biased perceptions are associated with greater emotional distress and decreased satisfaction with and commitment to their romantic partners (Campbell et al.,
2005). Thus, romantic partners’ ratings may provide additionally informative, less biased relationship quality information, and social withdrawal may have a differential effect on self- and partner-reported relationship perspectives, but empirical evidence has been lacking so far. In sum, how withdrawal directly affects self- and partner-reported romantic relationship qualities—commitment, satisfaction, support, and conflict—and if these relationship qualities affect withdrawal, has remained largely unknown.
Sex- and ethnicity-based social norms may contribute to differences between males and females and Western and non-Western youth in romantic relationship development and the effect of withdrawal. Although males and females may both experience non-normative romantic development, withdrawn males may be particularly affected because inhibited behavior violates gender-normative expectations of male dominance and assertiveness (Doey et al.,
2014). Additionally, females may enter romantic relationships with more relationship maintenance skills than males. In childhood and adolescence, girls tend to prefer involvement in more intimate, dyadic relationships (Hall,
2011; Rose & Rudolph,
2006), which provide more opportunities than boys’ friendships to become comfortable self-disclosing, develop intimacy with others, and learn conflict resolution skills (Giordano et al.,
2006). Hence, girls’ friendships resemble romantic relationships more closely than boys’ friendships. Because of this, boys – especially withdrawn ones who lack social experience in general – may be less prepared for maintaining intimate relationships than girls. Little is known about ethnic differences in social withdrawal and romantic relationship development, but some differences may be expected due to cultural norms around inhibited behavior (Chen & Tse,
2008; Coplan et al.,
2012) and dating, especially in involvement and timing (Connolly & McDonald,
2020). Thus, sex and ethnicity were included as covariates in all models to adjust for possible confounding.
Discussion
Involvement in romantic relationships is a central developmental task of late adolescence and early adulthood (Roisman et al.,
2004). Although previous work has suggested that withdrawn youth’s formative social experiences lead to delays in romantic development, empirical studies of the extent to which withdrawal contributes to deviations from normative romantic development, and in which specific features, were lacking. To address this gap, this study tested to what extent withdrawal predicts delays in romantic involvement and quantity; if entering a romantic relationship for the first time decreases withdrawal; and if withdrawal predicts self- and partner-rated romantic relationship qualities, and vice versa. Higher withdrawal across the decade of late adolescence and early adulthood predicted delays in all aspects of romantic involvement and a shorter longest-lasting romantic relationship, but did not influence the number of romantic partners. When an adolescent became romantically involved for the first time, withdrawal moderately decreased. Despite this decrease, withdrawal remained an important factor in couples’ relationship quality ratings, especially affecting males’ relationship perceptions and dynamics. These results provide insights into the developmental sequelae of withdrawn adolescents’ and young adults’ romantic relationship development.
As predicted, higher withdrawal was associated with a greater likelihood of never having been romantically involved, entering a romantic relationship for the first time when older, and a greater likelihood of being single three years later across all ages. These results corroborate findings from previous cross-sectional studies (Roswell & Coplan,
2013), and additionally indicate that withdrawn individuals’ romantic involvement delays are long-lasting, and that differences between withdrawn and non-withdrawn youth persist into adulthood. The delay of romantic involvement is likely attributable to withdrawn youth’s deviation from the formative cascade of development from same-sex friendships to mixed-sex peer groups to romantic partnerships (Nelson et al.,
2008). Having had fewer opportunities to learn how to approach and interact with opposite-sex peers in adolescence, withdrawn youth might be particularly anxious in novel romantic situations, or avoid them altogether (Barry et al.,
2013; Gazelle & Druhen,
2009). Contrary to expectations that withdrawn young adults would have longer-lasting relationships with fewer partners (a hypothesis that was based on limited research; Leck,
2006), higher and increasing withdrawal across the early adulthood decade predicted a shorter maximum romantic relationship duration, and had no effect on the number of romantic partners. The effect of withdrawal on relationship duration may be due to the fact that withdrawn adolescents were older when they first became romantically involved, leading to comparatively less possible time for their relationship to have lasted by the point of assessment than non-withdrawn young adults’ relationships. It is also probable that the romantic relationships of withdrawn young adults are more likely to break-up than those of non-withdrawn young adults, leading to shorter-lasting relationships. Because of the additional socio-emotional costs of romantic relationship dissolutions, an empirical test of this latter possibility is warranted.
It is important to note that, while withdrawn and non-withdrawn young adults have diverging patterns of romantic involvement, it is not suggested that withdrawn youth
should be involved, especially if they do not want to be. Postponing romantic involvement to older ages than their more sociable counterparts might even be adaptive for withdrawn individuals. Having more time before focusing on “settling down” with a romantic partner could provide the opportunity to develop in other domains in which withdrawn young adults are also delayed, such as identity development (Barry et al.,
2013), selecting educational and career paths (Hamer & Bruch,
1997), reaching higher levels of education and income (Nelson et al.,
2020; Schmidt et al.,
2017), maximizing person-environment fit (Shulman & Connolly,
2013), and developing interpersonal skills in other social relationships (e.g. friends, classmates, colleagues). Catching up to their non-withdrawn peers in these domains could then contribute to better maintenance of and positive functioning in withdrawn young adults’ romantic relationships when they do emerge, and “increase the chances for better provision for the next generation” (Shulman & Connolly,
2013, p. 34). Withdrawn young adults who do desire a romantic relationship but feel unable to initiate contact with potential dating partners may nevertheless feel lonely, have low self-esteem, and subsequently withdraw further; hence attaining this goal and entering a romantic relationship for the first time can have marked benefits.
Indeed, young adults’ withdrawal decreased when they entered a romantic relationship for the first time across participants. Based on Developmental Task Theory, withdrawn adolescents and young adults experience negative social sanctions and receive less social support from their peers when they are delayed in becoming romantically involved (Furman & Collibee,
2014). When withdrawn individuals enter their first romantic relationships, they are no longer off-time in romantic involvement compared to their peers, and gain the new social identity of “girlfriend” or “boyfriend”. This shift in identity could lead withdrawn young adults to obtain more social status, belonging, and social support (Raley et al.,
2007). Withdrawn young adults may be especially sensitive to this shift in identity because they are less socially integrated than non-withdrawn young adults. Especially for them, entering a relationship for the first time might lead to greater social integration, the development of interpersonal skills, decreased loneliness, increased self-esteem, and expansion of social networks via the romantic partners, subsequently decreasing withdrawal.
Despite the decrease in withdrawal when entering a romantic relationship for the first time, withdrawal remained a predictor and outcome of several unfavorable romantic relationship qualities. Reiterating the main within-couple findings, high withdrawal (1) predicted lower self-reported commitment, satisfaction, and support in males; (2) was predicted by higher self-reported conflict in males and females, higher partner-reported conflict in females, and lower partner-reported satisfaction in males; and (3) in males, was associated with interaction patterns in which partners who perceived less support subsequently provided less support; perceived relationship conflicts predicted partner-perceived relationship conflicts; and partner-perceived conflicts predicted low males’ future withdrawal. Taken together, these results indicate that males’ withdrawal plays a bigger role in the romantic relationship quality dynamics than females’ withdrawal. These results are consistent with the theory that the suboptimal romantic relationship qualities of withdrawn individuals are due to difficulties with self-disclosing, being responsive, and forming intimate bonds with romantic partners (Luster et al.,
2013), but suggest that these mechanisms apply primarily to withdrawn males. Withdrawn males in particular may struggle to communicate, self-disclose, and form intimacy with their partners, subsequently leading to difficulties committing to their partner, feeling less satisfied in the relationship and fostering less satisfaction in their partner, providing and receiving less support, and perceiving more relationship conflict. Females’ withdrawal, in contrast, had no effect on self- or partner-reported romantic relationship qualities. These gender disparities may be due to the greater social acceptance of withdrawal in females, and females being better-prepared for romantic relationships than males. The child and adolescent literature suggests that withdrawn behaviors are less socially accepted in boys than in girls because inhibited behaviors are viewed as violations of gender-normative expectations of male assertiveness and dominance (Doey et al.,
2014). This seems to apply to romantic partnerships in early adulthood as well: males appear to be more accepting of their withdrawn female partners than are females of their withdrawn male partners. Additionally, females may enter romantic relationships with more relationship maintenance skills than males. In childhood and adolescence, girls tend to prefer involvement in more intimate, dyadic relationships (Hall,
2011; Rose & Rudolph,
2006), which more closely resemble romantic relationships than boys’ friendships. Girls’ friendships provide more opportunities than boys’ friendships to become comfortable self-disclosing, develop intimacy with others, and learn conflict resolution methods (Giordano et al.,
2006), skills which are conducive to maintaining intimate relationships. Highly withdrawn males may come to rely on their female partners to take primary responsibility of the social and emotional aspects of their romantic relationship. Tentative support for this idea is that the results indicated that female partner-perceived conflict predicted
less future withdrawal in highly withdrawn males. A withdrawn male may struggle to communicate his feelings and needs to his partner when he feels unhappy in his relationship (Giordano et al.,
2006)—subsequently contributing to other relationship problems and more withdrawal—but when his female partner feels unhappy, she may be better able to self-disclose, take initiative to resolve conflicts, and rebuild intimacy in the relationship (Giordano et al.,
2006; Raley et al.,
2007); skills learned in her friendships might contribute to relationship improvements and less withdrawal in her male partner.
Several limitations should be considered when interpreting these results. First, a broad conceptualization of social withdrawal was used, which did not assess underlying motivations to withdrawal such as fear of negative evaluation, social disinterest, or peer rejection. The various motivations for withdrawing may be associated with different patterns of romantic development. For example, unsociable-withdrawn youth have been found to have fewer difficulties initiating and maintaining friendships than anxious-withdrawn youth (Ladd et al.,
2011), and may likewise have fewer difficulties initiating and maintaining romantic relationships. Yet, withdrawal subtypes overlap and withdrawn youth of any subtype tend to have worse social relationships than non-withdrawn ones (Eggum-Wilkens et al.,
2020; Nelson,
2013). Regardless, future studies could investigate differences in how young adults from different withdrawal subtypes initiate and maintain their romantic relationships.
Second, only romantic relationships that did not end before the age of 17 years were investigated, and thus the analyzes did not account for involvement in earlier relationships in adolescence. The timing variable therefore reflects the age at which participants entered a more serious, attachment-based relationship for the first time. This possibly neglects formative romantic experiences that set the stage for more “adult-like” relationship functioning. In the context of withdrawal, this might not have confounded results heavily because withdrawn young adults were more likely to have never been romantically involved and entered romantic relationship when older, meaning that these later romantic relationships were probably their first ones. Nevertheless, it would be interesting to explore the effects of withdrawal on romantic relationships from early adolescence, when romantic interests are just emerging and involvement is more sporadic, to adulthood.
Third, partner reports were available across only two waves, which may limit the generalizability of the dyadic results to young adults who maintained the same partner across three or more years. Although the duration of these relationships was accounted for, young adults tend to engage in multiple relationships of various durations across early adulthood, which could not be captured. Future studies could test if results replicate across longer- and shorter-lasting romantic relationships throughout early adulthood.
Fourth, it was not possible to investigate to what extent both romantic partners’ withdrawal levels affected their relationship perceptions and each other’s withdrawal, because no data about partners’ withdrawal was available. This is a limitation because both partners’ withdrawal influences the quality of the romantic relationship, and there may be differential effects between couples with one withdrawn partner and those with both. Partners’ withdrawal levels may interact to predict relationship outcomes, for better or for worse. On the one hand, having similarly high withdrawal levels may contribute to greater mutual understanding and acceptance of one another’s inhibited behaviors within couples. On the other hand, withdrawal in both partners may lead to a lower quality relationship because both partners may be non-communicative and hinder intimacy development. The lack of partners’ withdrawal data also meant that the sample needed to be split by sex in order to investigate sex differences in within-dyad associations. This would not have been necessary if data on partners’ withdrawal were available, and not splitting the sample would have increased power to detect smaller effects. Grouping by sex also required the exclusion of same-sex couples, thus limiting the generalizability of the findings to heterosexual young adults. Also limiting the generalizability was that the sample included young adults from a predominantly Dutch background. Because there is cultural variation in romantic relationship development, ethnic differences in the associations between withdrawal and romantic relationship initiation and maintenance are likely and require more attention in future work.
Finally, several gaps that could not be addressed remain to be investigated in future studies. First, a replication of the finding that males’ withdrawal particularly affected their romantic relationship characteristics is needed. Previous reports of sex differences in the associations between withdrawal and romantic relationship characteristics have been somewhat mixed. Although there is a theoretical basis to expect that males – especially withdrawn ones – face more challenges in their romantic relationships than females, directly testing effects of possible mediators (e.g. intimacy, self-disclosure) would have provided more robust evidence of the proposed mechanisms underlying this association. Second, future studies investigating romantic relationships could include individuals’ desire for having a romantic partner, especially when assessing young adults, who have postponed romantic relationship-related decisions to increasingly older ages (Arnett,
2000; OECD
2017). It is likely that young adults, withdrawn and non-withdrawn, who do not particularly desire a romantic relationship fare better than those who do desire one but are not involved. Relatedly, investigating if there are benefits for withdrawn youth to delay romantic involvement for identity, educational, and career development warrants more attention. Finally, to obtain a more comprehensive picture of young adults’ romantic relationship development, interpersonal and dyadic behaviors across multiple romantic partners could be investigated. The large majority of the participants in this study changed partners across the late adolescence and early adulthood decade, but within-dyad dynamics could only be investigated within only one relationship. It would be interesting to see how social withdrawal affects romantic partner selection, if withdrawal affects relationship functioning in the same way across different partners, and how withdrawn individuals cope with romantic relationship dissolutions.