It is estimated around 1.9 million German women were raped in the post-World War II period. Unwanted pregnancies were common and many women went on to raise these children born of sexual violence (CBSV). Now more than 70 years later, we sought to explore the perceptions of past and present relationships of CBSV with their mothers. Using a combination of qualitative methodologies, we analyzed autobiographical interviews of participants born between 1945–1955 across Germany. Narratives were first coded for mother-child content (allowing a comparison between participants), and later examined as a holistic unit (to address within-participant data). Three categories of mother-child relationships were identified: conflictual relationships, an emotionally absent parent, and positive upbringings. By employing a collective case study, we were then able to place these along three axes of relationality that positioned the participants’ perception of their relationships with their mothers and allowed interactions between the different perceived roles in those relationships to emerge: accountability and agency vs. exoneration and victimhood of the mother; accountability and agency vs. exoneration and victimhood of the child and longing vs. detachment. This study complements other research among those born during post-WWII occupation in Germany and Austria and highlights the diverse experiences CBSV have with their mothers. It serves as a reminder of the necessity for personal narratives to continue being documented, particularly given the frequency with which children are born of sexual violence in conflicts today. Appreciating the potential life-long impact for these individuals is key to initiating change.
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Conflict-related sexual violence (CRSV) against women and girls has been used as a strategy of warfare and genocide to conduct ethnic cleansing regimes (Beyrer & Kamarulzaman, 2017; Hägerdal, 2019) and as a method of systematically destroying communities (Gingerich & Leaning, 2004). Sexual violence has been documented in Bosnia & Herzegovina, Somalia, Uganda, the Democratic Republic of the Congo and Myanmar (Beyrer & Kamarulzaman, 2017; Clark, 2017; Peterman et al., 2011) and also in the dying days of World War II in Germany (Grossmann, 1995). More than seventy years after WWII, official statistics on sexual violence committed by the Allied forces against German women are still missing. According to case reports, approximately 1.9 million German women are believed to have been raped by Soviet soldiers with thousands more committed by the American British and French Allied soldiers (Gebhardt, 2016; Grossmann, 1995). Another recent historical publication however estimates that 900,000 German women were raped between 1945 and 1955 on German territory, and reports this topic remained a societal taboo in Germany for decades (Naimark, 1995; Schissler, 2001). Nevertheless, during the Post-War-Occupation (1945 to 1955), according to some approximations, up to 400,000 children were born as a result of sexual encounters between local women and occupation soldiers (Lee, 2012; Stelzl-Marx & Satjukow, 2015) among them around 8000 children born of sexual violence (CBSV) (Gebhardt, 2016).
Compared to other children born and raised during the post-WWII period, CBSV have lived through specific and often burdensome early childhood experiences, characterized by familial and societal areas of conflicts between integration and rejection (Carpenter, 2007; Mochmann & Øland, 2009). Three main drivers have been identified as psychosocial consequences of these conditions: identity development, stigmatization/discrimination and child maltreatment (Glaesmer et al., 2012, 2017; Kaiser et al., 2015; Mitreuter et al., 2019). CBSV are at risk of being neglected, stigmatized, ostracized or abandoned (Carpenter, 2007; WHO, 2000) and likely to suffer from mental disorders, including post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression or somatization (Kaiser et al., 2015). Emerging empirical evidence suggests that raising a CBSV can provoke complex emotional responses in their mothers. Termination of pregnancies are not uncommon—some of which take place in illegitimate settings (Human Rights Watch, 1996)—and some children are known to be abandoned at birth (Carpenter, 2007; Denov et al., 2020). For women raising a CBSV, findings have described complex and varied mother-child relationships, often with dyadic victimhood perpetuated by the impact of trauma (Anderson et al., 2021; Anderson & van Ee, 2020; Nowrojee, 2013; van Ee & Kleber, 2013). Elsewhere, there are reports of ambiguous emotions for their children (Clifford, 2008; Liebling et al., 2012) during pregnancy and the early years of the child’s life. Several reports describe poor mother-child relationships, experiences of abuse and neglect of CBSV (Carpenter, 2007; van Ee & Kleber, 2013) as well as child maltreatment (Carpenter, 2010; Reid-Cunningham, 2009). In some cultures, women with CBSV are marginalized from their communities (Nowrojee, 2013) and giving birth to a CBSV can negatively affect the capacity to care for the child (Sezibera, 2008). Some mothers reported perceiving the child as a ‘living reminder’ of the rape, with features resembling their rapist father (van Ee & Kleber, 2013; Denov et al., 2020) and thus distribute their maternal love unequally compared to other biological children born of a consensual love relationship (Denov et al., 2020). For instance, CBSV in Rwanda became living reminders to their mothers and the larger community of the immeasurable suffering they had endured at the hands of their children’s fathers (Mukangendo, 2007; Nowrojee, 1996). A recent study from Denov et al. (2020) discovered themes of identity and belonging, ambivalence in the mother-child relationship, and truth-telling emerged as important topics within the lives of young Rwandans born of genocidal rape. Mother-child relationship was most discussed, even in cases of long-term separation, abandonment, maltreatment, or death. When characterizing the mother-child bond, most young Rwandans described a variety of emotions and gave a detailed account of their experiences throughout their lives. Only a few participants clarified to never have had any “problem” with their mothers. For all participants, knowing the truth about their origins was described as extremely important and a critical aspect of their lives (Denov et al., 2020). Furthermore, an interview study of Heynen (2013) identified patterns of how mothers of CBSV in non-conflict settings dealt with their challenges and ability to establish a mother-child relationship, such as rejecting the child (characterized by strong ambivalent feelings towards the child), solidarity with the child (conscious decision for the child optimizes a positive mother-child relationship), acceptance of the role as a mother (Heynen, 2013). CBSV are more likely to grow up with stepfathers who may treat them differently than their own offspring (Sezibera, 2008). Research conducted in Uganda highlights that CBSV may also feel responsible for their fathers’ actions and accordingly experience guilt and embarrassment (Carpenter, 2007). A study on the long-term effects of adult attachment in German children born of war including CBSV born after WWII showed that insecure attachments to parents are more frequently reported, compared with a birth-cohort-matched representative sample of the German general population. For instance, these children now in late adulthood are still less open to closeness and intimacy and showed a lowered ability to depend on others in close relationships (Kaiser et al., 2018). Attachment insecurity is described on the two continuous dimensions avoidance and anxiety (Brennan et al., 1998; Fraley & Shaver, 2000). Anxiously attached individuals have a negative perception of the self, which is seen as inadequate, not worthy of love and another person’s help and constant worry about the emotional availability of others (Bartholomew & Horowitz, 1991). This inadequate sense of self in people with anxious-ambivalent attachment is consistent with the findings by Schimmenti and Bifulco (2013). Despite these difficulties, there is also evidence of positive mother-child relationships where mothers form a loving bond to their child (Anderson & van Ee, 2020; Baldi & MacKenzie, 2007; Powell, 2001). There is limited data about CBSV in Germany and other occupied territories (Glaesmer et al., 2012; Kaiser et al., 2018). Quantitative studies on children born in post-WWII, including children born of sexual violence, highlighted the long-term impact of developmental conditions and child maltreatment on mental health even decades later. However, to capture the complex lived experiences of CBSV at an individual level, a qualitative approach is needed. Although interpersonal violence such as rape and forced pregnancy have been codified under international law as acts of genocide and crimes against humanity, consideration for the CBSV remains largely absent from the international human rights and scholarly discourse (Carpenter, 2010).
Against this background, in the present study we aimed to explore the perceptions of past and present relationships of CBSV (now in older age) with their mothers. To do so, we identified categories of mother-child relationships using categorical content analysis in a first step. In a second step, we considered how the individual relationship can be framed along several interconnected “axes” of narrative (Freeman, 2013). Specifically, we considered two main research questions: (1) across what axes of narrative do CBSV construct their relationship with their mothers; and (2) what domains in CBSVs’ perceptions of their relationship with their mothers elicit changes in perspective and what domains exhibit more stable perspectives?
Method
Participants
Participants were initially recruited as part of a larger quantitative study of German Occupation Children (see Kaiser et al., 2015). Of the 146 German occupation children identified in that study born between 1945 and 1955, n = 10 reported being a CBSV. All ten CBSV gave their consent to be informed about further planned research and were contacted via e-mail and telephone to request their participation in the qualitative follow-up study presented in this paper. Of these 10, n = 2 refused to participate for personal reasons, n = 1 was a pilot interview and therefore excluded from the final analysis and n = 1 is based in the United States and was not interviewed due to logistic and financial constraints, giving a running total of n = 6. In addition, n = 3 CBSV were newly recruited at the beginning of 2017 through the German network “Thistleflowers”, a network of CBOW fathered by Soviet soldiers, which was created along with the initial project (www.russenkinder-distelblueten.de). These were contacted and invited to learn more about the study via e-mail and phone, and provided with study material distributed by mail, containing the same questionnaire that was administered in the 2013 sample. One participant (n = 1) had to be excluded from the final interview because he lost his mother at the age of 4 and thus it was difficult to investigate a mother-child relationship. Therefore, in total, n = 8 autobiographical narrative interviews were conducted. Interviews were conducted at participant’s homes or in an academic environment, n = 7 of whom agreed to be video recorded and n = 1 was voice recorded.
For the purpose of this qualitative research, we will present a collective case study of three interviews, which demonstrate the complexity of CBSV life stories. The qualitative case study approach (Stake, 2000), explicitly seeks the multiple perspectives of those involved in the case, aiming to gather collectively agreed upon and diverse notions of what occurred.
Procedure
Data collection took place from June 2016 to June 2017 across Germany. All autobiographical narrative interviews were conducted by the first author (SR), who is trained in qualitative interviewing. We chose this type of interviews as we had the unique chance to approach the hidden population of CBSV in their late stage of life and we wanted to learn as much as possible about their complex life stories in retrospect. To begin, all participants were asked an opening question to create space for a comprehensive narration of events and experiences from their own lives (Fischer-Rosenthal & Rosenthal, 1997). In this first part of the interview, participants were not interrupted by further questions but were encouraged by means of non-verbal and paralinguistic expressions of interest and attention. Once the participant ended the narrative, which was recognized by a final evaluative statement, the interviewer introduced follow-up questions marking the second part of the interview. Here, the interviewer sought to (1) gain more information about topics already mentioned (immanent), and (2) address questions left open and topics which have not been mentioned in the first part but were important for the research purpose and overall understanding of the narrative (exmanent) (Fischer-Rosenthal & Rosenthal, 1997; Josselson, 2013). Following the interviews, all participants were contacted by telephone within two weeks to ensure that the interview did not trigger psychological stress and they were offered psychological support in situations where this was the case. An observation protocol was completed directly after each interview to record observations during and after the interview situation.
Data Analysis
Each participant narrative was assigned a pseudonym to ensure confidentiality. Analysis of narratives consisted of two phases. The first phase involved a categorical content analysis (Lieblich et al., 1998) that focused on all segments of narrative concerning mother-child relationships. Upon identifying those segments of narrative, we coded the content within each segment (Saldaña, 2015), to allow us to aggregate and categorize similar content and compare categories between narratives (i.e., between participants).
Phase 1
The process of analysis consisted of familiarization with the data by reading through all narratives multiple times and assigning initial codes to the various segments of text using the software MAXQDA (Saillard, 2011). MAXQDA was found appropriate given the aspect that it allows documents to be imported and video material supporting multiple methodological frameworks (MAXQDA, 2018). This allowed us to only focus on categories of mother-child relationship. Words, sentences and paragraphs mentioning and/or describing mother-child relationship have been included and coded in order to further analyze the narratives surrounding this topic using the framework of “axes of relationality”. Researcher SR screened all narratives to identify main categories relating to mother-child relationships. A second researcher (KA) and a third researcher (MK) were recruited for screening all coded narrations from researcher SR. A partial inter-coder agreement test was carried out, where a fourth researcher (JYS) was reading through 3 out of 8 interviews. Discrepancies between researchers were discussed between SR, KA, MK and JYS and, also, inclusion of the narrative was decided by consensus agreement between SR, KA and MK (Hill et al., 2005). All interviews were in German, and thus excerpts representing identified categories included for this analysis were translated into English by the first author SR, reviewed by a native English speaker and verified as loyal to the original by a research assistant being fluent in both languages. We used categories of relationships and axes which were created based on responses from participants.
Phase 2
In the second analytical phase, a within-participant approach was employed (Lieblich et al., 1998), wherein we examined each narrative as a holistic unit (Josselson, 2013). In this phase of our analysis the codes were examined from a narrative perspective, assuming that narrative identities may be constructed across the framework of “axes of relationality” (e.g., change vs. stability of a relationship; (Bamberg, 2011; Freeman, 2013). Seeking to identify within the narratives the various positionings and interactions at play, we aimed to sketch the axes that are most relevant to the participants’ perception of their relationships with their mothers (e.g., agency vs. passivity; stability vs. change (Bamberg, 2011)). That is, we sought to understand how those relationships are perceived and whether and how they change across the lifespan per participant and across participants. For our collective case study, we chose three interview narratives in line with the concept of maximum variation (heterogeneity) sampling (Patton, 2002). This research presents one or two cases from each category aiming to identify both extreme values (conflictual vs. peaceful relationship), as well as a median (emotionally absent mother) (Seawright & Gerring, 2008).
Results
Three categories of mother-child relationships were identified in the data: conflictual relationships, an emotionally absent parent and positive upbringings. Within these, the mother-child relationship constructed by the participants addressed parental qualities and incapacities, the attribution of accountability for relational provisions or lack thereof, and the various ruptures and bridges in the relational divide between mother and child. The dominant positionings that we noticed in the data regarded the mother as either “mother,” which implies a parental role; or “person/woman” which typically positioned the mother as a victim. Similarly, the narrator was positioned either as “son/daughter,” whereby the narrator was assigned the role of being under the care of another; or “child”, whereby the narrator assumed the role of the victim or survivor as a secondary victim of the rape. Conversely, we found that the various constructions may be organized across three axes:
Accountability and Agency vs. Exoneration and Victimhood of the Mother
Accounts associated with this axis related to whether the participant perceived the mother as responsible for her actions as a parent or whether he or she portrayed her (i.e., positioned her) as a victim of the circumstances and thus constructed her parental actions as a derivative of those circumstances rather than actions for which she must be held accountable. Put otherwise, when the mother was positioned as a “mother,” she was attributed greater degrees of agency and hence held accountable for her parental shortcomings. However, when she was positioned as a “person/woman”, she was devoid of agency and concomitantly exonerated and condoned for any parental faults she might have committed.
Accountability and Agency vs. Exoneration and Victimhood of the Child
Accounts associated with this axis related to the self and identity of the narrator as an actor and reactor to the mother’s performance. That is, rather than relating to the mother’s accountability and agency, as in the former axis, this axis addresses the narrator’s own sense of accountability and agency. In this sense, the participant might portray him or herself as responsible for whatever occurred during the upbringing, and thus acquit the mother of any given shortcoming or parental failure. In contrast, narrators portrayed themselves as victims of unfortunate circumstances and the fate of being a CBSV and being exposed to a traumatized mother.
Longing vs. Detachment
The third axis addressed the participants’ retrospective view of the mother-child relationship itself, rather than their view of the mother or the child per se. This axis entailed an evaluative perspective, wherein participants recounted having experienced a positive mother-child relationship or otherwise expressed ambivalent or negative relationships with their mother. Concomitantly, some participants expressed longing for a close relationship with their mothers while others expressed a state of detachment that they viewed as ego-syntonic and desirable. The tension between a desired closeness and a desired or accepted detachment characterized this axis.
Naturally, the expression of the axes differed between narratives and throughout the weaving of the narrative fabric of each participant. Hence, we demonstrate in a collective case study below, of a series of three cases, the mother-child relationship as it unfolded for the participants and address the various axes depicting the constructions of the mother-child relationship that were salient in each given narrative. In this manner, we offer an appreciation of the narrators’ construction of the relationship across the various relational domains. Figure 1 gives a visual representation of these axes.
Fig. 1
Axes framework for mother-child representations of German occupation children born of sexual violence
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Conflictual Relationships
Case 1: Franz
Franz (born in 1946) is the child of a German mother and an Occupation soldier from the Soviet Union. His story demonstrates the negotiation of axes 1 and 2. While he describes a relationship with a strict punitive mother, his stance towards his mother and his construction of his mothers’ abusive behavior towards him, albeit critical, is mostly non-blaming and at times excusing and exonerating. As he notes, “It must have been a really hard life. She tried to commit suicide,” the mother is positioned as a victim of an unfortunate life course. She is, therefore, portrayed as lacking agency, which raises doubts whether she can be held accountable for her parenting. Complementing this notion, when elaborating on his mother’s agency regarding her suicide attempt, Franz does not only attribute to her responsibility for the manner in which the event has concluded, but also takes upon himself responsibility for some of the hardship associated with the scene (thus exemplifying axis 2): “I was playing out in the courtyard behind the house, and she turned gas tap on inside. A colleague from work happened to drop by […] and saved her life. It really must have been a difficult life my mother led with me.” As Franz recounts the incident, he repeatedly reveals his exonerating approach towards his mother (axis 1), which he associates with her life circumstance as a mother to a CBSV. Thus, he also reveals his sense of responsibility for her hardship (axis 2). This responsibility resurfaces in his story:
It must have been a hard life with me for my mum. There was a lot I didn’t get as a kid. The whole thing with me being a “Russenkind” [Russian child], that made things a lot tougher for her. She never found a husband. Her whole youth was consumed by war and fascism. She didn’t have a youth. She also never had the possibility of being with a man, especially once she’d had a ‘Russenkind.’
Franz viewed his mother through the prism of a burdened victim of the situation; and viewed himself as part of that situation and hence part of the burden. As such, the question of responsibility or accountability, both hers and his, becomes salient. It is from this stance that Franz recounted even the most malevolent and punitive of his mother’s behaviors. For Franz, his mother’s actions are indications of his inaptitude to play the role of the good child. Thus, as he acknowledges that “Since my mother was very strict with me”, he continues:
Since my mother was very strict with me, the idea was always to behave in such a way that you could make your way around her without any damage occurring (laughing). Sometimes when she came home, she used to get out the truncheon and (whistling) HOOOOEEEE… what happened then?
For Franz, his bad behavior warranted a harsh response, which is the bedrock of the strict and punitive mother-child relationship that dominated his narrative. Nevertheless, such a relationship also takes its toll in the sense that is expressed along axis 3 (i.e. longing vs. distancing). As he confesses:
Yeah, well, yeah, if I had done something or other, then I was either sent to bed, or I got hit, or I didn’t get any supper, or something like that. And that was very often the case. And, yeah, that also put some, um, a little distance between us when I was a kid.
The distance to which Franz relates is yet another representation of the conflictual tension embodied in all three axes as it encapsulates both the notion of who is accountable for the outcome of the relationship as well as what the relational outcome was (i.e., distance). As the narrative unfolds, it becomes clear that the distance that Franz discloses represents a potential turning point and shift of focus. It offers an opportunity to position himself at the focal point of his story and establishes his own independence, detached from his mother.
And slowly it began, um, I began to cut the cord… from home. Although, I, I still have to say today, I never saw, or, or even noticed how that was for my mum, who was, well, all alone then. That’s not something I thought about at all. At that point, I was the only one who mattered anymore. So, yes, but somehow that’s always the way it is when kids leave home […].
Franz, however, is apologetic about this shift in focus and resists it. It is evident throughout the narrative that the roles have been reversed: Franz feels responsible for his mother rather than the other way around. Indeed, Franz’s view of the relationship is less concerned with his mother’s or his own misdemeanor, and more concerned with how that relation contributed to his becoming. His narrative reveals a dialectical view of the relationship wherein he recognizes his mothers’ faults but at the same time is inclined to counterbalance these faults not only by highlighting his own responsibility but also by underscoring his mother’s significant positive contribution to his upbringing. It is his appreciation of her efforts that places constraints on his capacity to remain critical of her. Furthermore, this appreciation might very well be the backdrop of his condoning approach towards her punitive behavior and the ostensible underlying reason for his acknowledgment of her own hardship, which leads to her circumstantial exoneration. To this effect Franz notes:
So, she had a poor life, I mean, I… It’s true. I really owe her a lot of gratitude that I’ve become something today that was completely unimaginable at the time, and that she did a lot for me, and, um, yes, because of that I regret it even more that she had such a poor life.
Looking back in retrospect, Franz reveals what seems like an inner need for a revised evaluation of the relationship (axis 3). “I see it differently now. (loud exhale) Today I’m better able to see what she did for me.” Ostensibly, this revision is indicative of and conducive to an internal battle between two antonymic constructions of his mother. The first construction entails the strict mother that he experienced as a child. The second construction involves a woman that endured life’s hardship. For that woman to exist it is necessary, to some extent, to relieve her from her role as a mother. Franz notes, “Not only today do I see my mother in a different light, but also much earlier. I did not only perceive her as a violent mother, she also wanted to make something of me.” Leaning towards the exonerating construction means not only the relinquishing of the “mother” figure for the sake of the “woman” but also the abnegation of anger towards that woman and its substitution with gratitude and appreciation on the one hand and self-recrimination on the other:
When my mum was diagnosed with colon cancer, I visited her a lot in the last months. […] On Sunday I was going to visit her, and that morning I got a call: She passed away. […] I’d been told, ok, maybe three quarters of a year; but it wasn’t even another half a year she survived. Um, yes, I, I was really sorry about that. Well. Because, at that point, because I was at place by then, where I was able to see not just the abusive mother, but instead also the woman who had gone through so much.
Moreover, later in the narrative he concludes: “She was a strict and tough woman, perhaps she would have preferred herself to be much softer, more feminine.”
Drawing on the “woman” stereotype, Franz expresses a yearning for the soft and tender feminine care that he never got from his mother. He also positions himself as a man that might have an implicit responsibility towards that woman, who was, after all, a victim of her terrible circumstances. On the one hand, Franz draws the contour of a mother-child relationship that is relationally deficient. On the other hand, he stresses that those deficiencies are not his mother’s fault. This is but one type of ambivalence that became evident in the narratives. The following story demonstrates additional ambivalence and complexity associated with the narrator’s identity formation.
Emotionally Absent Parent
Case 2: Lotte
Lotte (born in 1947) is the daughter of a German mother and an Occupation soldier from the Soviet Union. An absence of a different kind is found in Lotte’s story, wherein the parent is physically present but the relationship is characterized by a deficiency of loving care. The positioning of herself and her mother within that relationship is realized within this context. While she longs for her mothers’ attention, Lotte describes her mothers’ aloofness, disclosing a lack of tender loving care along with axis 1, “Love just wasn’t a part of our home life. Having a little hug every so often or something like that, that just didn’t happen.” To emphasize this lack of maternal availability, Lotte draws on her half-brother’s experience, as if to add validity to her experience:
My brother always said to me, ‘Lotte, can you remember if mum ever hugged us?’ ‘No,’ I said, ‘I’ve never known that to happen.’ Things like that just didn’t exist in our home. But I think that’s also just how that generation was. They didn’t do things like that, hugging and such. Things were a little different then.
Arguably, attributing the lack of closeness to “the generation that time,” may accomplish two things along axis 1. First, it lessens the mother’s fault, situating her as a product of an era. This lays the foundations for excusing her for her lack of parental love. Second, it normalizes the kind of relationship that Lotte discloses, and thus, much like arguing that her brother felt the same way, it validates the experience as faithful to reality. Furthermore, by portraying her brother as the one who sought closeness, Lotte not only attributes that unfulfilled desire to herself, but also sets the stage for a comparison between herself and her brother in this domain.
Lotte stated that her mother distributed the love unequally towards her children, favouring her half-brother, neglecting her – a CBSV (axis 2). “Yes, I always had the feeling, and I always noticed that my mother preferred my brother. For him, well, she was more there for him than she was for me.” Nevertheless, she relates to the distant mother-daughter relationship as one that remained mostly unspoken, portraying emotional confrontations as interactions that rarely happened. Not being raised by the mother from the beginning and observing the loving mother-son relationship, also prevented her from a trusting bond to her mother and raised painful feelings of exclusion:
That’s what I also said to her once, after a glass of wine or two, what I said in tears, ‘You only love him. You don’t like me.’ I remember it like it happened today.
Disclosing this confrontation within her narrative is Lotte’s way of expressing her longing for closeness, a longing that she feels was never fulfilled (axis 3). In the early years, Lotte did not grow up with her mother but with her grandmother, which contributed to the feeling that there was ostensibly no attachment formed between her mother and her as a baby (axis 1). However, it would seem that her mother was indeed present, albeit mostly a symbolic presence characterized by her absence. Lotte also disclosed experiences where her mother was very much present physically, these, however, included instances that she viewed as unjustified punishments. As a result, she construed the relationship as tense and conflictual (axis 1 - accountability of mother):
So, like I said, when I moved out, it was very difficult with my mum. I still remember, once we, (…), once when I, I was in Holland. I was 19 or 18, and I went to Holland, [indiscernible] and I met a guy from Spain. And that time, that was really something. And yet, it was a really nice… really nice, clean, decent, nice guy. So. And he came to visit me in Germany. And I still remember, we lived on that street, and then at the playground, that’s where we met up. My mum almost killed me. She said, ‘Oh, Ausländerflittchen’ [foreigner’s slut]. Back then that was considered something really bad, to go out with a foreigner.
Within this context, she also discloses being beaten by her mother, which made Lotte run away from her. This act of violence was another indicator for Lotte that her mother neither felt empathy nor unconditional love for her. Furthermore, Lotte associated her mother’s behavior with feelings of shame towards her. Along axis 2 (victimhood of child), Lotte felt that her mother sought what was socially accepted and, therefore, cared more about how Lotte was perceived by the environment than about her daughters’ well-being. For instance, Lotte reported certain constraints by her mother regarding her appearance, such as being forced to be dressed appropriately. Lotte interpreted this as “My mother always wanted me to be “perfect”,” which further substantiates her conviction that her mother’s love was conditional. Punishments and demands on behalf of her mother were interpreted as general restrictions without specific educational rationale, intended merely to change Lotte as a person, to improve both her appearance and attitude. “Actually, I don’t know why, but we had disputes, a whole lot.”, Lotte adds here and later in her interview that she was often unable to conclude the causes for the conflicts with her mother, which then became a source of spite (axis 3 - detachment). Lotte positions her mother as lacking in acceptance, thus positioning herself, a CBSV, as a daughter, who constantly failed in meeting her mother’s expectations. She said that she still is wandering around in the uncertain regarding her mothers’ feelings towards her; and never truly able to attain emotional proximity or sense of security with her mother, neither in the past nor the present. But she never stopped seeking for that proximity, that longing for closeness along axis 3: “Despite all this, you are always looking for closeness. Although I don’t know how she really felt about me. In the end, definitely better than at the beginning.” To this, Lotte adds, “Other than that, my life was ‘actually normal.’ Lotte portrays herself as a person who is continuously searching for identity and belonging. Conversely, she shares a deep desire to return to East Prussia to learn more about her origins and her biological father, as if gaining that knowledge may grant her what she never got from her mother. Battling an internal dissonance between her quest for maternal closeness and ongoing mother-child discord, Lotte concludes:
Yes, it was pretty, was pretty strange with my mother, I must be honest, it was… I say, it was yin and yang with us. […] On one side, she was really great, and on the other, she was really horrible.
Positive Upbringings
Case 3: Elise
Elise was born in 1946 and is the daughter of a German mother and an Occupation soldier from the United States. Her interview is unique in this sample in that it depicts a story of a pleasant childhood. From the beginning of her narration, she explicitly states that the relationship with her mother was one that she perceived as good:
Actually, I grew up alone with my mum […]. You know, you can’t really remember anything before you’re three or four years old, but I think I had… I actually had, I always say I had a nice childhood.
One aspect of Elise’s narrative that indicates a healthier view of herself compared to other interviews is that of agency along axis 2. In opposition to the fatalistic view that was evident in other accounts, Elise positions herself as a more dominant character in her story, at times more than her mother. Indeed, she emerges as poignant enough within the relationship to manipulate her mothers’ actions to her own advantage. “[…] As a little girl, one isn’t exactly low-maintenance. And, to be completely honest, with my mum, well, I kind of knew how to get my way. Yeah, she went along with that. I was a handful, but we didn’t have any problems with each other.”
With some ostensible guilt, Elise gives the impression that she was the decision maker and not her mother and that she was, therefore, able to promote her own interests. “When I think about it, I have to admit I was a headstrong child. I did what I wanted; you know, the way kids do.”
Elise weakens and undermines her mothers’ authority and capability to educate her as a child and in this manner feels empowered and responsible for a carefree mother-child relationship.
Elise refers often to have grown up alone with her mother and portrays a significant difference between the relationship between her and her mother compared to her half-siblings’ relationship with the mother. She gives an impression to have felt comfortable of being treated in an obliging manner by her mother. “My half-sister told our mother that she needs to be stricter with me.” In striking opposition to former stories, Elise explicitly states that her mother was happy to have her, in part because she was an antidote to her mothers’ loneliness (axis 2):
But, things were, everything was good. I mean, she never, um, the way it sometimes was with beatings or the like. I never experienced anything like that. It was, yes, as I said, always just the two of us, and basically, I sometimes pretty much thought my mum was actually happy to have me around. At least that’s what I kind of imagined.
Elise explicitly negates experiences of rejection or exclusion as part of her story. Nonetheless, the CBSV identity was an issue to some extent. At one point she reminds herself of one thing that kept that identity alive, her surname: “Well, I always had a different name, surname, because my mum and my siblings were all [name] Well, so my mum, of course, wanted that I have that name too, and tried to have it changed, but they wouldn’t accept that at the registrar’s office, because, you now, ‘father unknown.’ Yeah, ‘father unknown,’ so I had to keep my mum’s maiden name. I mean basically, well, I just would have liked to have been a [letter]. too.” Nevertheless, she does not let that identity become a stain (axis 2). In retrospect, and in contrast to other participants, Elise does not differentiate herself as a daughter and CBSV compared to her siblings being born of a love-based relationship: “I don’t find it, find it to be anything all that particularly dramatic. I mean, there are so many [CBSV]. I’m just happy, I’m just happy now [indiscernible] that, that I am not Black or something (laughs), that at least I’m white,”, she says concluding that she has not been excluded from family or friends. She concludes:
That [being born of rape] didn’t matter to me at all. The important thing to me was that I am here, and that I live my life, I mean… (shrugs shoulders). Maybe I am too selfish or something. I don’t know; it just never interested me at all.
Discussion
This study sought to explore the narratives of individuals born during the post-WWII Occupation period (1945–1955), who understand their origin as being a result of sexual violence against their mother (a local German woman) by the procreator (an Allied forces soldier). We were particularly interested in the perceptions of past and present relationships with their mothers, which factors changed over time and which stayed stable. The collective case study enabled the interpretation of a full range of diverse mother-child relationship representations and was likely to enhance the comprehensiveness of the sample of cases chosen by the researcher. Three categories of content regarding mother-child relationships emerged from the data that the interviews span across: (1) conflictual, abusive and punitive relationships, i.e. parental punishment and child exoneration, ambivalent feelings; (2) emotionally parental absence, i.e. parental absence, searching for identity and child lack of agency, lack of love and the yearning for closeness, forgotten sons who do not care (and resilient and reluctance to see one’s own part in the mother’s biography), the stranger-parent and the accomplished son; and (3) positive upbringing, i.e. a nice childhood, pleasant memories. We were able to place these narratives along three axes of relationality, that positioned the participants’ perception of their relationships with their mothers and allowed interactions between the different perceived roles in those relationships to emerge: accountability and agency vs. exoneration and victimhood of the mother; accountability and agency vs. exoneration and victimhood of the child and longing vs. detachment.
This paper aimed to respond to two main research questions. With regard to the first ‘across what axes of narrative do CBSV construct their relationship with their mothers?’, our findings show that all participants deal with some form of self-described victimhood and accountability of the mother and the child as well as both longing and detachment, when considering their mother-child relationship. Not all participants addressed all axes and each one addressed by participants seemingly fluctuated at times between positions. What the axes do, however, is shed light on the complex and ambivalent feelings CBSV have towards their mother-child relationship. These findings inform about the complex life experiences of CBSV on an individual level—in retrospect—and add a more nuanced understanding to previous quantitative data (Kaiser et al., 2018) about the long-term impact of developmental circumstances and child maltreatment on mental health many decades later. Such a finding is observed elsewhere, among participants who report poor mother-childhood relationships with experiences of abuse, neglect and childhood maltreatment (Carpenter, 2007; Glaesmer et al., 2012, 2017; Kaiser et al., 2015; Mitreuter et al., 2019; Mochmann & Øland, 2009; van Ee & Kleber, 2013; Denov et al., 2020).
In this study, one narrative about mother-child relationship were identified as conflict-laden, another reported about an emotionally absent mother in regard to their relationship, with one narrative dominated by a neutral-positive mother-child relationship. In the following, we address these narratives with respect to existing research.
With regard to our second research question ‘what domains in CBSV’s perceptions of their relationship with their mothers elicit changes in perspective and what domains exhibit more stable perspectives?’ three categories emerged:
Conflictual Relationships
The narrative addressing a conflictual mother-child relationship (Case 1) has been identified with the most ambivalent feelings along axes 1, 2 and 3. The mother was described as both a perpetrator; being violent towards their child; and a victim surviving sexual violence and raising a CBSV (axis 1) (Clifford, 2008). At some point, the participant hold himself accountable for a poor mother-child relationship when condoning the mother who had to live the hardship of raising a CBSV, while also acknowledging himself as a victim (axis 2). Moreover, he consequently felt detached from his mother, but also mentioned a longing for more closeness in retrospect (axis 3). Case 1 remains critical about the relationship, while at the same time expressing feelings of regret and longing for a soft and tender care, he did not receive from his mother due to her difficult circumstances (axis 3).
Emotionally Absent Parent
Some participants described their mother-child relationship through the absence of their mother due to emotional neglect, with axis 3 being more related to detachment than to longing. However, Case 2 exonerated their mothers for similar reasons—they were one of “the generation that time” and because of what they were gone through with CBSV. Case 2 tended to position the emotionally absent mother in the context of being accountable for her actions (e.g. verbal and physical assault) along axis 1 and consequently, realized herself as a victim of a traumatized mother (axis 2) when noting that her mother felt ashamed for her—a CBSV—compared to her brother and her mother’s love was but conditional. This goes in line with previous research where CBSV are perceived as a living reminder of the rape (van Ee & Kleber, 2013) and are treated differently than their siblings being born of love (Denov et al., 2020). Case 2 positions herself as a victim of the situation along axis 2. As a result of an emotionally absent mother, the narrator shares a lack of information about her identity which she seeks in retrospect. This finding supports current research which has found that for a majority of children born of war, locating and getting to know their biological father seems to be a core aspect, specifically to find out about similarities in personality and physical appearance (Mitreuter et al., 2019; Denov et al., 2020).
Positive Upbringings
One case in the series (Case 3) reported a positive upbringing, with a reportedly pleasant mother-child bond, which demonstrates that, despite their difficulties, a loving bond between the mother and the child can be formed (Baldi & MacKenzie, 2007; Powell, 2001). In this study though, this participant’s positive appraisal of her upbringing appeared to be bound by feelings of being in control of the relationship; self-agency contributed to this participant’s sense of well-being and empowerment. This participant confidently speaks about the relationship with her mother and concludes with the acknowledgment of having equally contributed to her mothers’ well-being by saving her from loneliness. Her coping with being a CBSV is that of generalization and accepting the reality while not feeling excluded or neglected within her family and friends but being happy to be alive. Given the lack of research with CBSV, particularly those in adulthood with an ability to reflect on their relationships with their parents, this finding is hard to position. However, it is important given the overwhelming evidence that relationships between CBSV and their mothers are poor. Nonetheless, being mindful that this type of interpretation does not, in fact, reflect an overconnected mother–child relationship is crucial, particularly when mothers themselves have conflicting existing attachment patterns, and may not have the capacity to recognize their child’s needs as separate from their own (Anderson & van Ee, 2020).
Our findings support existing research that these relationships involve both accountability and exoneration on the part of both mother and child, ambivalence, conflict and a yearning for closeness, as well as experiences of pleasant childhoods. This study complements other research among those born during post-war occupation in Germany and Austria—now in older age—and serves as a reminder for the necessity of personal narratives to continue being documented, particularly given the frequency with which CBSV in conflicts today. Appreciating the potential life-long impact for these individuals is key to initiating change.
Limitations and Future Directions
This study has a number of strengths, including being one of very few studies that captures the whole life span of individuals born in the post-WWII period, with a unique focus on those known to have been born as a result of sexual violence. These retrospective findings are a useful comparator to data collected on more recent conflict-affected populations and add to the scant literature on psychological and socio-emotional outcomes of these CBSV.
The findings in the current study should, however, be discussed within the context of several limitations. First, in accordance with qualitative research standards (Tracy, 2010) and in order to adequately answer our research objectives, the data analyzed in the study was extremely rich but nevertheless small and culturally homogeneous. Second, given that the stories analyzed in the study were retrospectively recounted many years after the participants’ childhood, the findings reported above cannot, and do not inspire to, provide an “objective” account of the participants’ experiences of the mother-child relationship as it might have been experienced decades earlier. Furthermore, our interpretation was oriented by an attachment-related conceptual framework, and was done from a hermeneutic perspective (Josselson, 2004). Endorsing a different conceptual framework or hermeneutic approach may yield a different reading of the findings. While these limitations preclude any generalization, they are to be expected in qualitative studies, which aim to offer a rich exploration of the constituents of experience and enable the transferability of the findings to other instances rather than to generalize to an entire population (Tracy, 2010).
This research contributes to a small, albeit growing, body of research that documents the experiences of CBSV, but importantly sheds a unique light onto the later stages of life for such a population and adopts a lifespan developmental perspective. Our findings demonstrate that CBSV will likely spend a lifetime maneuvering the struggles of ambivalent and sometimes difficult mother-child relationships, that may affect their identity (Mitreuter et al., 2019), social connectedness and family status (Kelley, 2017; Woolner et al., 2019). These findings are crucial across clinical practice, policy and research as well as informing preventative measures, particularly as both new and ongoing conflicts proliferate worldwide, and more children are conceived through non-consensual relationships.
Though not all women affected by CRSV require treatment for psychological distress associated with CRSV, many experience symptomatology that affects their daily functioning (e.g., anxiety, depression and PTSD (Campbell et al., 2009; Sharma et al., 2020), as well as interpersonal struggles that can determine their relationships with their children (Anderson & van Ee, 2020; Heynen, 2013; van Ee & Kleber, 2013). The findings about the complex life experiences of CBSV on an individual level add important information to previous research about the mothers’ perspective, which is in many parts comparable to a position between rejection and integration (Heynen, 2013). The ability for mental health care professionals to be able to anticipate these difficulties can play a crucial role in improving outcomes on the long term. Concomitantly, at a policy level these findings add weight to the recognition of UN Security Council Resolution 2467 in 2019 that seeks to address the silence and shame surrounding CBSV on a global scale, by providing a more holistic understanding of justice and accountability, including the provision of reparations for survivors as well as livelihood support to enable them to rebuild their lives and support their families. Parental reactions impact mother-child distress expression (Qouta et al., 2005), hence family empowerment and support groups for parents need to be enhanced in order to help those affected with parenting difficulties for better understanding their relationships (Slade, 2006; Qouta et al., 2005). Programs need to address the trauma of CRSV survivors, particularly if the mother has experienced a trauma, such as a rape that ends in pregnancy (Anderson et al., 2021).
Future research would do well to replicate this study in bigger and more culturally diverse samples, as well as with CBSV of more contemporary conflicts worldwide. Furthermore, this study may inspire new comparative studies that may address similarities and differences between CBSV and other populations (e.g., children born of non-war rape or consensually conceived with “enemy soldiers”) both qualitatively and quantitatively. Future qualitative investigation may also do well to examine this population across more diverse psychosocial phenomena (e.g., identity formation, social relationships, coping strategies with life adversity, etc.) and strive to generate a more comprehensive picture of what it is like to grow up as a CBSV. For this purpose, it would be advisable to employ more diverse qualitative methodologies (e.g., grounded theory, phenomenological research and narrative analyses).
This project has received funding from the European Union’s Horizon 2020 research and innovation program under the Marie Skłodowska-Curie grant agreement No. 642571.
Compliance with Ethical Standards
Conflict of Interest
The authors declare no competing interests.
Consent for Publication
Consent for publication of anonymized data was obtained in advance in writing from all participants.
Ethical Approval
The study was reviewed and approved by the ethics committee of the Medical faculty of the University of Leipzig. To ensure confidentiality, all narratives have been anonymized and participants assigned a code. Collected research data including interview transcriptions and video material were kept locked in a secure location, accessible only to the research team. Each participant gave their written informed consent permitting the use of data for this study prior to participation.
Informed Consent
Informed consent was obtained from all individual participants included in the study.
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