Self-determined self-other overlap: Interacting effects on partners’ perceptions of support and well-being in close relationships
Introduction
In the present paper, we integrate self-determination theory (SDT; Deci and Ryan, 1985, Deci and Ryan, 2008, Ryan and Deci, 2000) with self-expansion theory to better understand and predict relational and well-being outcomes for one’s partner, assuming that healthy relational processes translate to more positive partner outcomes.
Research informed by self-expansion theory (Aron et al., 1991, Aron and Fraley, 1999) has shown that individuals in close relationships such as those with romantic partners or best friends tend to experience higher cognitive interdependence with partners, reflecting a blending of identity from “I” to “we”; many studies cite this as one important aspect of interpersonal closeness that is partly responsible for shared intimacy (e.g., Aron and Fraley, 1999, Oriña et al., 2002, Weidler and Clark, 2011). Such intimacy encourages a way of relating to partners that is more closely connected to one’s own self-views and self-expectations. For example, individuals allocate resources to a close other as they would to themselves, and tend to cognitively process information about close others as if it were about themselves (Aron et al., 1991). In addition, under conditions of high self-other overlap, individuals tend to treat others’ identities, behaviors, goals, and resources as if these were their own (Mashek, Aron, & Boncimino, 2003). Thus, self-other overlap promotes a more invested and intensely personal way of relating (e.g., in both friendships and romantic relationships; Mashek et al., 2003). While such intimacy is thought to promote more positive relational outcomes, such as complex understanding of partners (Waugh & Fredrickson, 2006), more empathy-induced helping (Batson et al., 1997), and less social comparison (Gardner, Gabriel, & Hochschild, 2002), more complex and potentially conflictual relational outcomes have also been identified, for example, responding to another’s mistakes as if they were your own (Kang, Hirsh, & Chasteen, 2010). As an important component of relationships, this self-other overlap has also been linked to generally positive outcomes for the relationship, impacting both self and partner (Amodio and Showers, 2005, Murray et al., 2002, Murray et al., 2000), yet individuals may find high self-other overlap to be undesirable at times (Frost and Forrester, 2013, Mashek et al., 2011). Although the literature largely identifies positive outcomes of self-other overlap, we reasoned that the associations between increases in self-other overlap and relational outcomes depend on self-determination, or the degree to which partners are motivated by a sense of choice and personal valuing.
While those who are self-determined might be inclined to embrace and invest in those with whom they experience high self-other overlap – becoming more emotionally available, responsive, and attuned to partners – those who are low in self-determination are more defensive in close relationships, particularly during important or emotional interactions (e.g., Knee et al., 2013, Knee et al., 2002). This work suggests that self-determined individuals engage partners in more relationally and motivationally supportive ways, and here we explore, for the first time, the idea that this might affect the consequences for partners as closeness increases. This body of literature also suggests that, as closeness increases, individuals low in self-determination respond with defensive behaviors, and their partners may experience relationships in more negative ways. In this paper, we test the expectation that increasing closeness benefits partners of self-determined individuals only, in these cases leading to more experiences of support and greater relationship commitment.
Section snippets
Self-determination
A key aspect of SDT is the distinction made between parts of the self that are regulated by extrinsic incentives, inner pressures, expectations, and demands and those that are regulated by intrinsic interests, awareness of needs, and genuine core-self involvement. According to SDT, being self-determined means that one’s actions are relatively volitional, freely chosen, and fully endorsed by the individual. This definition stresses authenticity of choices and behaviors that are congruent with
Levels of self-determination
Self-determination has been defined at levels of generality vertically organized from global to context-specific (Vallerand, 1997, Vallerand, 2007, Vallerand and Ratelle, 2002). The most global level reflects an individual difference that is broadly transferred across domains and relationships, including close relationships. More context-specific are motivational qualities that drive individuals to engage a given relationship. Individuals who are generally more self-determined are more likely
Motivational supports in a relationship
In testing our expectation that self-determination would moderate the effects of self-other overlap across these levels of measurement, we focus in two of our studies on predicting the most proximal outcomes of self-determination in relationships; namely, motivational supports. When in relationships, individuals may use motivational strategies with their partners that likely influence their partners’ relational and personal experiences. Autonomy support is one relational process recognized to
Present study: integrating motivation and self-other overlap
Self-other overlap has been interpreted as an index of interconnectedness between one’s self and a close other, which is usually associated with positive relationship outcomes. Although self-expansion theory suggests that people desire to expand their self-concept, it does not distinguish between more and less self-determined expansion (Knee et al., 2013). The present paper employed an SDT perspective to understand the implications for partners as individuals experience higher self-other
Study 1
Study 1 tested the extent to which individuals’ personality-level self-determination and self-other overlap interacted in predicting partners’ perceived autonomy support and conditional regard. To do this, we conducted a dyadic study focused on two types of reciprocal close relationships: friends and romantic partners. This approach allowed a test of generalizability across relationship types, and by obtaining data from both partners in a dyad, we were able to discriminate between actor and
Participants and procedure
Participants included 78 romantic dyads who were in committed romantic relationships for at least three months. At least one participant was a psychology student, but no students were excluded from the study or analyses providing they were in a committed romantic relationship. Participants ranged in age from 21 to 55 years (M = 25.02 years, SD = 5.88 years), and average relationship length was 3.38 years (SD = 4.08 years). Data were collected through the school semester; we did not recruit for a second
Participants and procedure
Participants were both partners of romantic couples who took part in a five-wave longitudinal study. To take part, couples were required to have begun cohabitating, become engaged or married within the previous year, or be planning to do so during the upcoming year; Providing they met these criteria, no couples were excluded from participating in this study. At Time 1, 187 couples took part in the project (183 heterosexual couples, 4 lesbian couples), with the number of couples dropping to 160,
General discussion
This research is among the first to apply self-determination theory (Deci & Ryan, 1985) to understanding interpersonal closeness through the lens of self-expansion theory (e.g., Aron and Fraley, 1999, Aron et al., 1991). Based on these two literatures, we expected that those who experience greater self-other overlap would be recognized by partners to be providing more relationally enriching and motivationally supportive climates, but only when self-determined. Results across three studies
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