Skip to main content
SpringerLink
Log in

“I’m not the same person since I met you”: The role of romantic passion in how people change when they get involved in a romantic relationship

  • Original Paper
  • Published:
Motivation and Emotion Aims and scope Submit manuscript

Abstract

Using the dualistic perspective on romantic passion (Ratelle et al. in Motiv Emot 37:106–120, 2013; Vallerand et al. in J Pers Soc Psychol 85:756–767, 2003), the present research examined the role of harmonious and obsessive romantic passion in the prediction of personal changes in people’s lives associated with romantic relationships. Young adults recruited through universities (Studies 1 and 2) and social networking sites (Studies 2 and 3) composed the samples of the three studies. Results of Study 1 revealed that harmonious and obsessive passion both positively predicted perceptions of personal growth while they respectively negatively and positively predicted disengagement from important activities and other social relationships for the sake of the romantic relationship. These associations were either fully replicated (for harmonious passion) or partially replicated (for obsessive passion) when examined using a six-month longitudinal design (Study 2) and when the two outcomes (i.e., personal growth and social disengagement) were reported by an informant (Study 3). Overall, the results suggest that the nature and extent of changes in people’s lives as they become romantically involved may be predicted by the quality of their romantic passion.

This is a preview of subscription content, log in via an institution to check access.

Access this article

Log in via an institution

Price excludes VAT (USA)
Tax calculation will be finalised during checkout.

Instant access to the full article PDF.

Institutional subscriptions

Fig. 1

Similar content being viewed by others

Notes

  1. A total of 596 participants completed the Time 1 questionnaire, accepted to be contacted again for the follow-up study, and provided a valid email address. These participants were contacted by email 6 months later and 26 % of them (n = 155) fully completed the follow-up questionnaire and were still in a relationship with the same romantic partner. These participants represent the final sample.

  2. When two or more friends of a participant completed the report, scores were averaged across friends.

References

  • Adler, P., & Adler, P. A. (1991). Backboards and blackboards: College athletes and role engulfment. New York: Columbia University Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Agnew, C. R., Van Lange, P. A. M., Rusbult, C. E., & Langston, C. A. (1998). Cognitive interdependence: Commitment and the mental representation of close relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74, 939–954.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Aron, A. (2002). The self and relationships. In M. R. Leary & J. Tangney (Eds.), Handbook of self and identity. New York: Guilford Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Aron, A., & Aron, E. (1986). Love and the expansion of self: Understanding attraction and satisfaction. New York: Hemisphere.

    Google Scholar 

  • Aron, E. N., & Aron, A. (1996). Love and expansion of the self: The state of the model. Personal Relationships, 3, 45–58.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Aron, A., & Aron, E. (1997). Self-expansion motivation and including other in the self. In S. Duck (Ed.), Handbook of personal relationships (2nd ed., pp. 251–270). Chichester, UK: Wiley.

    Google Scholar 

  • Aron, A., Aron, E. N., Tudor, M., & Nelson, G. (1991). Close relationships as including other in the self. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 60, 241–253.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Aron, A., Aron, E. N., & Norman, C. (2001). The self expansion model of motivation and cognition in close relationships and beyond. In M. Clark & G. Fletcher (Eds.), Blackwell handbook in social psychology: Interpersonal processes (Vol. 2, pp. 478–501). Oxford: Blackwell.

    Google Scholar 

  • Aron, A., McLaughlin-Volpe, T., Mashek, D., Lewandowski, G., Wright, S. C., & Aron, E. N. (2004). Including close others in the self. European Review of Social Psychology, 15, 101–132.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Aron, A., Norman, C., Aron, E., McKenna, C., & Heyman, R. (2000). Couples’ shared participation in novel and arousing activities and experienced relationship quality. Journal of Personal and Social Psychology, 78, 273–284.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Aron, A., Paris, M., & Aron, E. N. (1995). Falling in love: Prospective studies of self-concept change. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 69, 1102–1112.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Bentler, P. M. (1992). EQS structural equations program manual. Los Angeles: California: BMDP Statistical Software.

    Google Scholar 

  • Berger, C. R. (1988). Uncertainty and information exchange in developing relationships. In S. Duck (Ed.), Handbook of personal relationships: Theory, research, and interventions (pp. 239–256). Chichester, UK: Wiley.

    Google Scholar 

  • Berscheid, E., Graziano, W., Monson, T., & Dermer, M. (1976). Outcome dependency: Attention, attribution, and attraction. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 34, 978.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Bonneville-Roussy, A., Lavigne, G. L., & Vallerand, R. J. (2011). When passion leads to excellence: The case of musicians. Psychology of Music, 39, 123–138.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Bryant, C. M., & Conger, R. D. (1999). Marital success and domains of social support in long-term relationships: Does the influence of network members ever end? Journal of Marriage and the Family, 61, 437–450.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Bui, K. T., Peplau, L. A., & Hill, C. T. (1996). Testing the Rusbult model of relationship commitment and stability in a 15-year study of heterosexual couples. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 22, 1244–1257.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Carbonneau, N., & Vallerand, R. J. (2012). On the nomological network of harmonious and obsessive romantic passion. Poster presented at the 13th annual conference of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology (SPSP), San Diego, California.

  • Carbonneau, N., & Vallerand, R. J. (2013). On the role of harmonious and obsessive romantic passion in conflict behavior. Motivation and Emotion, 37, 743–757.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Carbonneau, N., Vallerand, R. J., Fernet, C., & Guay, F. (2008). The role of passion for teaching in intra and interpersonal outcomes. Journal of Educational Psychology, 100, 977–987.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Connidis, I. A., & Davies, L. (1990). Confidants and companions in later life: The place of family and friends. Journal of Gerontology: Social Sciences, 45, S141–S149.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Connolly, J. A., & Goldberg, A. (1999). Romantic relationships in adolescence: The role of friends and peers in their emergence and development. In W. Furman, B. Bradford Brown, & C. Feiring (Eds.), The development of romantic relationships in adolescence (pp. 266–290). New York: Cambridge University Press.

    Chapter  Google Scholar 

  • Cramer, D. (1990). Disclosure of personal problems, self-esteem, and the facilitativeness of friends and lovers. British Journal of Guidance and Counseling, 18, 186–196.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Cumming, G. (2009). Inference by eye: Reading the overlap of independent confidence intervals. Statistics in Medicine, 28, 205–220.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The “what” and the “why” of goal pursuits: Human needs and the self-determination of behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11, 227–268.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Demo, D. H. (1992). The self-concept over time: Research issues and directions. Annual Review of Sociology, 18, 303–326.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Drigotas, S. M., Rusbult, C. E., Wieselquist, J., & Whitton, S. (1999). Close partner as sculptor of the ideal self: Behavioral affirmation and the Michelangelo phenomenon. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 77, 293–323.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Dykstra, P. (1995). Loneliness among the never and formerly married: The importance of supportive friendships and a desire for independence. Journals of Gerontology: Psychological Sciences and Social Sciences, 50, $321–$329.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Finkel, S. E. (1995). Causal analysis with panel data. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.

    Book  Google Scholar 

  • Fletcher, G. J., Simpson, J. A., & Thomas, G. (2000). The measurement of perceived relationship quality components: A confirmatory factor analytic approach. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 26, 340–354.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Fredrickson, B. L. (2004). The broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, 359, 1367–1377.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Fredrickson, B. L., & Branigan, C. (2005). Positive emotions broaden the scope of attention and thought-action repertoires. Cognition and Emotion, 19, 313–332.

    Article  PubMed Central  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Goode, W. J. (1960). A theory of role strain. American Sociological Review, 25, 483–496.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Hatfield, E. (1965). The effect of self-esteem on romantic liking. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 1, 184–197.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Hatfield, E. (1971). Passionate love. In B. I. Murstein (Ed.), Theories of attraction and love (pp. 85–99). New York: Springer.

    Google Scholar 

  • Hatfield, E., & Rapson, R. L. (1993). Love and attachment processes. In M. Lewis & J. M. Haviland (Eds.), Handbook of emotions (pp. 595–604). New York: Guilford Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Hatfield, E., & Rapson, R. L. (2000). Love and attachment processes. In M. Lewis & J. M. Haviland-Jones (Eds.), Handbook of emotions (2nd ed., pp. 654–662). New York: Guilford.

    Google Scholar 

  • Hatfield, E., & Sprecher, S. (2010). The passionate love scale. In T. D. Fisher, C. M. Davis, W. L. Yaber, & S. L. Davis (Eds.), Handbook of sexuality-related measures: A compendium (3rd ed., pp. 469–472). Thousand Oaks, CA: Taylor and Francis.

    Google Scholar 

  • Hatfield, E., & Walster, G. W. (1978). A new look at love. Lanham, MA: University Press of America.

    Google Scholar 

  • Hatfield, E., & Walster, G. W. (1981). A new look at love. Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley.

    Google Scholar 

  • Johnson, M. P., & Leslie, L. (1982). Couple involvement and network structure: A test of the dyadic withdrawal hypothesis. Social Psychology Quarterly, 45, 34–43.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Kalmijn, M. (2003). Shared friendship networks and the life course: An analysis of survey data on married and cohabiting couples. Social Networks, 25, 231–249.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Kelley, H. H., & Thibaut, J. W. (1978). Interpersonal relations: A theory of interdependence. New York: Wiley.

    Google Scholar 

  • Lafrenière, M.-A. K., Jowett, S., Vallerand, R. J., Donahue, E. G., & Lorimer, R. (2008). Passion in sport: On the quality of the coach-athlete relationship. Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology, 30, 541–560.

    PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Lafrenière, M.-A. K., Vallerand, R. J., Donahue, E. G., & Lavigne, G. L. (2009). On the costs and benefits of gaming: The role of passion. CyberPsychology and Behavior, 12, 285–290.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Lafrenière, M.-A., Bélanger, J., Sedikides, C., & Vallerand, R. (2011). Self-esteem and passion for activities. Personality and Individual Differences, 51, 541–544.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Lewandowski, G. W., & Aron, A. P. (2004). Distinguishing arousal from novelty and challenge in initial romantic attraction between strangers. Social Behavior and Personality: An international journal, 32, 361–372.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Lewis, R. A. (1973). Social reaction and the formation of dyads: An interactionist approach to mate selection. Sociometry, 36, 409–418.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Mageau, G., Vallerand, R., Charest, J., Salvy, S., Lacaille, N., Bouffard, T., et al. (2009). On the development of harmonious and obsessive passion: The role of autonomy support, activity specialization, and identification with the activity. Journal of Personality, 77, 601–646.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Magnusson, D., Stattin, H., & Allen, V. L. (1985). Biological maturation and social development: A longitudinal study of some adjustment processes from mid-adolescence to adulthood. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 14, 267–283.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Marsh, H. W., Vallerand, R. J., Lafrenière, M. A. K., Parker, P., Morin, A. J., Carbonneau, N., & Paquet, Y. (2013). Passion: Does one scale fit all? construct validity of two-factor passion scale and psychometric invariance over different activities and languages. Psychological Assessment, 25, 796.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Melchior, L. A., Huba, G. J., Brown, V. B., & Reback, C. J. (1993). A short depression scale index for women. Educational and Psychological Measurement, 53, 1117–1125.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Philippe, F. L., Vallerand, R. J., & Lavigne, G. L. (2009). Passion does make a difference in people’s lives: A look at well-being in passionate and non-passionate individuals. Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being, 1, 3–22.

    Google Scholar 

  • Philippe, F., Vallerand, R. J., Houlfort, N., Lavigne, G. L., & Donahue, E. G. (2010). Passion for an activity and quality of interpersonal relationships: The mediating role of emotions. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 98, 917–932.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Radloff, L. S. (1977). The CES-D Scale: A self-report depression scale for research in the general population. Applied Psychological Measurement, 1, 385–401.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Ratelle, C. F. (2002). Une nouvelle conceptualisation de la passion amoureuse [A new conceptualization of romantic passion]. Montreal, QC: University of Quebec in Montreal. (Unpublished doctoral dissertation).

  • Ratelle, C. F., Carbonneau, N., Vallerand, R. J., & Mageau, G. (2013). Passion in the romantic sphere: A look at relational outcomes. Motivation and Emotion, 37, 106–120.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Reik, T. (1949). Of love and lust. New York: Farrar, Straus.

    Google Scholar 

  • Reissman, C., Aron, A., & Bergen, M. R. (1993). Shared activities and marital satisfaction: Causal direction and self-expansion versus boredom. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 10, 243–254.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Rip, B., Fortin, S., & Vallerand, R. J. (2006). The relationship between passion and injury in dance students. Journal of Dance Medicine and Science, 10, 14–20.

    Google Scholar 

  • Roepke, A. M. (2013). Gains without pains? Growth after positive events. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 8, 280–291.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Roepke, A. M., & Seligman, M. E. P. (2015). Doors opening: A mechanism for growth after adversity. Journal of Positive Psychology, 10, 107–115.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Ruppel, E. K., & Curran, M. A. (2012). Relational sacrifices in romantic relationships: Satisfaction and the moderating role of attachment. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 29, 508–529.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Rusbult, C. E. (1993). Understanding responses to dissatisfaction in close relationships: The exit, voice, loyalty, and neglect model. In S. Worchel & J. A. Simpson (Eds.), Conflict between people and groups: Causes, processes, and resolutions (pp. 30–59). Chicago: Nelson-Hall.

    Google Scholar 

  • Rusbult, C. E., & Arriaga, X. B. (1997). Interdependence theory. In S. Duck (Ed.), Handbook of personal relationships: Theory, research and interventions (2nd ed., pp. 221–250). Chichester: Wiley.

    Google Scholar 

  • Rusbult, C. E., Kumashiro, M., Kubacka, K. E., & Finkel, E. J. (2009). “The part of me that you bring out”: Ideal similarity and the Michelangelo phenomenon. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 96, 61–82.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Rusbult, C. E., Martz, J. M., & Agnew, C. R. (1998). The investment model scale: Measuring commitment level, satisfaction level, quality of alternatives, and investment size. Personal Relationships, 5, 357–391.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Ryff, C. D. (1989). Happiness is everything, or is it? Explorations on the meaning of psychological well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 57, 1069–1081.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Ryff, C. D., & Keyes, C. L. M. (1995). The structure of psychological well-being revisited. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 69, 719–727.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Schur, E. M. (1971). Labeling deviant behavior: Its sociological implications. New York: Harper and Row.

    Google Scholar 

  • Sedikides, C., Oliver, M. B., & Campbell, W. K. (1994). Perceived benefits and costs of romantic relationships for women and men: Implications for exchange theory. Personal Relationships, 1, 5–21.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Séguin-Lévesque, C., Laliberté, M.-L., Pelletier, L. G., Blanchard, C., & Vallerand, R. J. (2003). Harmonious and obsessive passion for the internet: Their associations with the couple’s relationships. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 33, 197–221.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Sheldon, A. E., & West, M. (1989). The functional discrimination of attachment and affiliation: Theory and empirical demonstration. British Journal of Psychiatry, 155, 18–23.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Skaff, M. M., & Pearlin, L. I. (1992). Caregiving: Role engulfment and the loss of self. Gerontologist, 32, 656–664.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Slater, P. E. (1963). On social regression. American Sociological Review, 28, 339–358.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Solomon, R. L., & Corbit, J. D. (1974). An opponent-process theory of motivation: I. Temporal dynamics of affect. Psychological review, 81, 119.

    PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Stephan, W., Berscheid, E., & Walster, E. (1971). Sexual arousal and heterosexual perception. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 20, 93.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Sternberg, R. J. (1986). A triangular theory of love. Psychological Review, 93, 119–135.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Sternberg, R. J. (1988). Triangulating love. In R. J. Sternberg & M. L. Barnes (Eds.), The psychology of love (pp. 119–138). New Haven, CT: Yale University Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Tedeschi, R. G., & Calhoun, L. G. (1996). The posttraumatic growth inventory: Measuring the positive legacy of trauma. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 9, 455–471.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Thoits, P. A. (1983). Multiple identities and psychological well-being: A reformulation of the social isolation hypothesis. American Sociological Review, 48, 174–187.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Vallerand, R. J. (2010). On passion for life activities: The dualistic model of passion. In M. P. Zanna (Ed.), Advances in experimental social psychology (Vol. 42, pp. 97–193). New York: Academic Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Vallerand, R. J. (2012). Passion for sport and exercise: The dualistic model of passion. In G. Roberts & D. Treasure (Eds.), Advances in motivation in sport and exercise (Vol. 3, pp. 160–206). Champaign, IL: Human Kinetics.

    Google Scholar 

  • Vallerand, R. J. (2015). The psychology of passion: A dualistic model. New York: Oxford.

    Book  Google Scholar 

  • Vallerand, R. J., Blanchard, C. M., Mageau, G. A., Koestner, R., Ratelle, C. F., Léonard, M., & Marsolais, J. (2003). Les passions de l’âme: On obsessive and HP. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85, 756–767.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Vallerand, R. J., Mageau, G. A., Elliot, A. J., Dumais, A., Demers, M.-A., & Rousseau, F. L. (2008a). Passion and performance attainment in sport. Psychology of Sport and Exercise, 9, 373–392.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Vallerand, R. J., Ntoumanis, N., Philippe, F. L., Lavigne, G., Carbonneau, N., Bonneville-Roussy, A., & Maliha, G. (2008b). On passion and sports fans: A look at football. Journal of Sports Sciences, 26, 1279–1293.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Weiss, R. (1974). The provision of social relationships. In Z. Rubin (Ed.), Doing unto others (pp. 17–26). Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall.

    Google Scholar 

  • Zimmer-Gembeck, M. J. (2002). The development of romantic relationships and adaptations in the system of peer relationships. Journal of Adolescent Health, 31, 216–225.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

Download references

Author information

Authors and Affiliations

  1. Département de Psychologie, Université du Québec à Trois-Rivières, 3351 Boul. des Forges, Trois-Rivières, QC, G9A 5H7, Canada

    Noémie Carbonneau

  2. Laboratoire de Recherche sur le Comportement Social, Université du Québec à Montréal, Montréal, QC, Canada

    Robert J. Vallerand

  3. Institute of Positive Psychology and Education, Australian Catholic University, Sydney, Australia

    Robert J. Vallerand

  4. McGill University, Montréal, Canada

    Geneviève L. Lavigne

  5. Université de La Réunion, Saint-Denis, Île de la Réunion, France

    Yvan Paquet

Authors
  1. Noémie Carbonneau
    View author publications

    You can also search for this author in PubMed Google Scholar

  2. Robert J. Vallerand
    View author publications

    You can also search for this author in PubMed Google Scholar

  3. Geneviève L. Lavigne
    View author publications

    You can also search for this author in PubMed Google Scholar

  4. Yvan Paquet
    View author publications

    You can also search for this author in PubMed Google Scholar

Corresponding author

Correspondence to Noémie Carbonneau.

Ethics declarations

Conflict of interest

The authors have no conflict of interest to declare.

Informed consent

Informed consent was obtained from all participants. This research was supported by a grant from the Fonds de Recherche du Québec – Société et culture (FRQSC) to the second author.

Appendix: Items used to assess “personal growth” and “disengagement from other relationships and activities”

Appendix: Items used to assess “personal growth” and “disengagement from other relationships and activities”

Being in a relationship with my partner has…

  1. 1.

    …made me see life more positively.

  2. 2.

    …made me a better person.

  3. 3.

    …made me see my life’s purpose more clearly.

  4. 4.

    …made me stop doing activities that I used to really enjoy.

  5. 5.

    …made me neglect my relationships with my friends.

  6. 6.

    …made me neglect my relationships with my family.

  7. 7.

    …given me more hope for the future.

  8. 8.

    …brought out the best in me.

  9. 9.

    …made me abandon hobbies that used to be important to me.

  10. 10.

    …helped me develop qualities that were hidden in me.

“Personal Growth” items: 1-2-3-7-8-10.

“Disengagement from Other Relationships and Activities” items: 4-5-6-9.

Rights and permissions

Reprints and permissions

About this article

Check for updates. Verify currency and authenticity via CrossMark

Cite this article

Carbonneau, N., Vallerand, R.J., Lavigne, G.L. et al. “I’m not the same person since I met you”: The role of romantic passion in how people change when they get involved in a romantic relationship. Motiv Emot 40, 101–117 (2016). https://doi.org/10.1007/s11031-015-9512-z

Download citation

  • Published:

  • Issue Date:

  • DOI: https://doi.org/10.1007/s11031-015-9512-z

Keywords

Search

Navigation