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Microaggressions, Feelings of Difference, and Resilience Among Adopted Children with Sexual Minority Parents

  • Empirical Research
  • Published:
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Abstract

Limited research exists about the unique experiences and possible marginalization of children with sexual minority parents. From a larger longitudinal project of diverse adoptive families, we examined cross-sectional data using mixed methods from interviews with 49 adopted children (M age  = 8 years; 47 % female) in 27 two-father and 22 two-mother families. Using thematic analysis, we coded themes of awareness of difference, microaggressions, and resilience (i.e., coping and positive family conceptualizations). Children experienced “feeling different” and microaggressions from peers, but generally at a low to medium intensity and with neutral (not negative) emotion. More instances of resilience and positive family conceptualizations were reported than microaggressions or feelings of difference, suggesting that children develop positive perceptions of their family and navigate experiences of difference with resilience. Filling important gaps in the literature, we discuss implications of our results for practice and policy.

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Acknowledgments

This research was supported by funding from the American Psychological Foundation’s Wayne F. Placek Grant awarded to Rachel H. Farr (Wave 2) and the Williams Institute at UCLA to Charlotte J. Patterson (Wave 1). During the preparation of this article, the authors were supported by funds from the Rudd Family Foundation Chair in Psychology at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. We wish to thank the many undergraduate members of our research team for their transcribing and coding efforts, particularly Melissa Pennica and Olivia Goldman. We would also like to thank Yesel Yoon for her helpful comments on a previous version of this manuscript and Harold Grotevant for his support and encouragement with this project. Finally, we would like to appreciatively acknowledge the adoptive families who generously shared their experiences with us, making this research possible. All procedures performed in studies involving human participants were in accordance with the ethical standards of the institutional and/or national research committee and with the 1964 Helsinki declaration and its later amendments or comparable ethical standards.

Author Contributions

RHF and EEC conceived the research questions and overall design, participated in conducting and interpreting the principal analyses of this study, and did the primary drafting of the manuscript; RHF collected all data for the study; MKO and KKC contributed substantially to the literature review and revisions to the manuscript; MKO and KKC also coordinated a number of statistical analyses (including reliability) for this study; KJG participated in the qualitative design of the study, particularly the methodology, coding methods, and interpretation of results. All authors made substantive intellectual contributions to this study, and all read, reviewed, and approved our final manuscript.

Author information

Authors and Affiliations

  1. Department of Psychology, University of Kentucky, 012-B Kastle Hall, 171 Funkhouser Drive, Lexington, KY, 40506-0044, USA

    Rachel H. Farr

  2. University of Massachusetts Amherst, Amherst, MA, USA

    Emily E. Crain, M. K. Oakley, Krystal K. Cashen & Karin J. Garber

Authors
  1. Rachel H. Farr
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  2. Emily E. Crain
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  3. M. K. Oakley
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  4. Krystal K. Cashen
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  5. Karin J. Garber
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Corresponding author

Correspondence to Rachel H. Farr.

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Appendix: Child Interview Guide—Wave 2

Appendix: Child Interview Guide—Wave 2

Next, you and I are going to talk about a few topics related to your family and your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. I’m going to ask you questions that I have in this booklet and we’ll just have a conversation together. There are no right or wrong answers. It’s OK if you don’t know the answer or if you don’t want to answer a question at any time. You can just let me know and we can skip to the next question. You can also let me know if you get tired at any point and we can take a break. Do you have any questions before we get started?

I would like to begin by asking you a few questions to get to know a little about you and what you like to do.

  1. 1.

    How old are you? ______

  2. 2.

    When is your birthday? ______________

  3. 3.

    What grade are you in? _____________

  4. 4.

    How do you like school?

  5. 5.

    How do you do at school? (e.g., grades) Any favorite/least favorite subjects?

  6. 6.

    What things do you like to do for fun?

  7. 7.

    What do you want to do when you grow up?

  8. 8.

    Who is your best friend? (or who are some of your best friends?)

  9. 9.

    What do you like to do with your friends? (insert names) if did not come up in #6

ASK OF ALL RESPONDENTS…

PERCEIVED SOCIALIZATION PRACTICES

Now I’m interested in learning a bit more about your family, your experiences with friends and at school, and how you and your parents talk about these things together.

  1. 10.

    Tell me about your family/family structure (the type of family you have).

  2. 11.

    How is it just like (the same as/similar to) other families?

  3. 12.

    How is it different from/not like other families?

  4. 13.

    What do your parents tell you about your family/family structure (the type of family you have)? (insert any language that the child has ID’ed in #10.

  5. 14.

    Why do you think they say these things?

  6. 15.

    Do you agree with what they say? Why or why not?

IF CHILD HAS LESBIAN OR GAY PARENTS…

  1. 16.

    Do you tell other people that you have two _____ (moms or dads)? If YES, who do you tell you have two _________ (moms or dads)?

  2. 17.

    Do you tell your friends? What do they say? (if has not come up)

    1. a.

      If yes, how does that make you feel?

  3. 18.

    Do you tell your teachers? What do they say? (if has not come up)

    1. a.

      If yes, how does that make you feel?

  4. 19.

    Do you tell anyone else? What do they say? (if has not come up)

    1. a.

      If yes, how does that make you feel?

  5. 20.

    Have you ever been afraid to tell someone you have two _________ (moms or dads)?

    1. a.

      If yes, tell me more about that.

  6. 21.

    How do you decide whom you are going to tell that you have two _________ (moms or dads)?

  7. 22.

    Do you have friends who have two moms or two dads?

  8. 23.

    Do you know what being gay or lesbian means? Have you heard these words?

    1. a.

      If YES, How would you describe what being gay or lesbian means?

  9. 24.

    Is there anything else you might want to add about having two (moms/dads) or about your family? (things you particularly like or dislike)

ASK OF ALL RESPONDENTS…

  1. 25.

    In school or anywhere else, have you ever been made fun of or teased? (e.g., with words, called names, said mean things to you)

    1. a.

      If yes, use these probes: (1) How many times in the last year? (2) Why do you think you were teased? (3) How did you feel? (4) What did you do when it happened?

  2. 26.

    Have you ever been physically bullied? (e.g., hit, kicked, slapped, punched, etc.)

    1. a.

      If yes, use these probes: (1) How many times in the last year? (2) Why do you think you were bullied? (3) How did you feel? (4) What did you do when it happened?

  3. 27.

    Have you ever felt that an adult (not your parents) has treated you unfairly? (e.g., been mean to you, teased or bullied you)

    1. a.

      If yes, use these probes. (1) How many times in the last year? (2) How did you feel? (3) Why do you think you were treated unfairly? (4) What did you do when it happened?

  4. 28.

    When you hang out with friends, do you tend to go over to friends’ houses or invite friends to your house to play?

  5. 29.

    What makes you a good friend?

ASK OF ALL RESPONDENTS…

Now I would like to ask you some questions about parents and children and how people become a family.

  1. 30.

    What does it mean to be a parent? (mom/dad language, etc.) How do two people become parents? (Suppose two people want to become parents—what do they have to do?)

  2. 31.

    Is there any other way of becoming a parent besides “having” a baby (e.g., grew in the mommy’s/the woman’s tummy) having a child born to parents, being biologically related)? (if did not identify adopting in previous q—can also ask, “Are there any other ways someone can become a parent?”)

  3. 32.

    If child has mentioned adoption, ask: What does adoption mean? (OR… Let’s suppose that two people wanted a child and they decided to adopt one. What does this mean?)

  4. 33.

    Is adoption forever? When parents adopt, is the child theirs forever? (why?)

  5. 34.

    How do people go about adopting a child? What do they have to do? Where do they have to go? What happens there?

  6. 35.

    Do you think that people might want a specific kind of child when they choose to adopt a child? What kind of child do they look for?

  7. 36.

    Let’s suppose that a child is being adopted by a family. Where do you think the child would come from? What do you think about why children might become adopted? (what reasons children might be placed for adoption/why child couldn’t live/stay with birth family, etc.)?

CHILD’S PERSONAL FEELINGS ABOUT ADOPTION

Now I’m interested in learning more about your thoughts about adoption, what you know about your adoption and how you feel about being adopted.

  1. 37.

    What does the word “adopted” mean to you?

  2. 38.

    Have you heard the word “birth parent”? (probe for other birth family words)

    1. a.

      If YES, what does the word “birth parent” (birth mother/birth father, or other term, e.g., “first mother”) mean to you?

  3. 39.

    Have you heard the word “adoptive parent”?

    1. a.

      If YES, what does the word “adoptive parent” mean to you?

  4. 40.

    What do you call your parents? (what names?) IF HAS NOT COME UP BEFORE

  5. 41.

    Tell me about your [Adoptive Parent #1—insert name of how child refers to parent]. What would you say are the best things about (AP 1)? Are there any things about (AP 1) that you don’t like?

  6. 42.

    Tell me about your [Adoptive Parent #2—insert name of how child refers to parent]. What would you say are the best things about (AP 2)? Are there any things about (AP 2) that you don’t like?

  7. 43.

    If they have siblings (insert each sibling’s name—ask separately): What would you say are the best things about your brother/sister? Are there any things about your brother/sister that you don’t like?

  8. 44.

    [if anyone else lives with the family, probe for more info…]

  9. 45.

    You have told me a lot about all your family members. Now thinking of you all together as a family, what would you say are the best things about your family? Are there any things about your family that you don’t like?

  10. 46.

    Do you parents talk with you about your adoption or being adopted?

    1. a.

      If YES, what have your parents said to you about being adopted/your adoption?

    2. b.

      How old were you when your parents [use the names the child calls his/her adoptive parents] first talked to you about your adoption?

      1. i.

        What did they say?

      2. ii.

        Do you remember how you felt—happy, sad, angry?

  11. 47.

    Have you ever asked your parents about being adopted or asked them questions you have about adoption?

    1. a.

      What did you ask them?

    2. b.

      How did you feel about asking?

  12. 48.

    Do you know any other children who were adopted? (like friends or family?)

    1. a.

      IF YES, Who? (names and/or relationships if possible)

  13. 49.

    Do you talk to anyone else about being adopted/your adoption?

    1. a.

      IF YES, who else have you talked to about being adopted/your adoption?

  14. 50.

    How often would you say that you talk about your adoption/being adopted?

  15. 51.

    Do you like to talk about your adoption? Why or why not?

  16. 52.

    Have people ever asked you what it’s like to be adopted?

    1. a.

      If YES, What do you tell them?

    2. b.

      Do they ask anything else?

    3. c.

      How did their questions make you feel?

  17. 53.

    Have people ever teased or made fun of you because you’re adopted?

    1. a.

      If yes: How did their teasing make you feel?

  18. 54.

    Do you know anything about your birth mother?

    1. a.

      IF YES, tell me about your birth mother. What do you call your birth mother? (e.g., “first mother”/name) Any special name you call her?

  19. 55.

    Do you know anything about your birth father?

    1. a.

      IF YES, tell me about your birth father. What do you call your birth father? (e.g., name) Any special name you call him?

  20. 56.

    Do you know about anybody else in ________ your birth family/(birth parent’s) family?

    1. a.

      If so, who and how are they related to you (in child’s terms)?

  21. 57.

    How did you find out these things about your birth parents/birth family?

  22. 58.

    Have you ever met your birth mother/birth father/other birth family members? (if has not come up yet in the interview) If YES, please describe. Who/when?

    1. a.

      How old were you when you first met __________ (birth parents/other birth family members)?

    2. b.

      Do you remember this meeting with your birthparents?

If YES:

  1. 59.

    How did you feel when you met them (insert names)?

  2. 60.

    What kinds of things did you think about them (insert names)?

IF YES OR NO:

  1. 61.

    How many times have you seen ____________ (birth family—insert names)? (How often?)

  2. 62.

    Would you like to see _______ (b.m.) or _______ (b.f.) [INSERT NAMES] again? Why or why not?

  3. 63.

    Do you know if your family has plans to see _______ (b.m.) or _______ (b.f.) [INSERT NAMES] again in the future? IF YES, DESCRIBE.

  4. 64.

    Have you met any other birth family members? (If yes, who?) How many times? Would you like to see any other your birth family members again? Any plans to see them again?

  5. 65.

    If have met, how do you think your parents feel about you meeting ___________ (b.p. or birth family members)?

IF CHILD HAS HAD MULTIPLE MEETINGS WITH BIRTH FAMILY:

  1. 66.

    What kinds of things do you do with _________ (birth parents/birth family)?

  2. 67.

    How do you feel about being with ___________ (birth parents/birth family)?

  3. 68.

    Are your parents always with you when you see ____________ (birth parents/birth family)?

  4. 69.

    Do your parents and ____________ (b.p.) get along?

  5. 70.

    Do you feel that it’s easy to make __________ (ADOPTIVE PARENTS) and ________ (BIRTH FAMILY) happy at the same time? Do you ever feel it’s hard?

  6. 71.

    Do you act the same or differently when you are with ___________ (b.p.) than when you are with your parents?

  7. 72.

    What ways do you act the same or different?

ASK OF ALL RESPONDENTS…

  1. 73.

    Have you ever seen (or do you have) pictures of your birth mother/birth father/other birth family members?

    1. a.

      If yes, can you tell me more about that? (who have you seen pictures of, when, what do you think?)

    2. b.

      If no, would you ever like to see a picture of anyone in your birth family? (if yes, who, please describe…)

  2. 74.

    Have you ever received a letter/email, phone call, gift, or other contact from your birth mother/birth father/other birth family members?

    1. a.

      If YES, can you tell me more about that? (from whom, what type of contact—phone, text, Facebook, Skype, etc./when?)

      1. i.

        How do you feel about getting them?

    2. b.

      If NO, would you ever like to receive a letter/email, phone call, gift, or other contact from anyone in your birth family? (if yes, who, please describe…)

  3. 75.

    Would you like to send presents or pictures or talk on the phone (or messages/emails, social media, etc.) to _______ (b.p.)? Why or why not?

  4. 76.

    Have your parents talked with you about sending letters, gifts or pictures, or talk on the phone (or messages/social media, etc.) to _________ (b.p.)?

    1. a.

      If yes, what did or do they say?

  5. 77.

    Would you ever like to meet or talk to anyone (else) in your birth family? (if yes, who, please describe…)

    1. a.

      If YES, tell me more about that.

    2. b.

      If NO to meeting/talking, do you think you would like to meet/talk to___ or _____ (birth parents or other birth family members) when you get older? Why or why not?

    3. c.

      If want to meet/talk, How do you think your parents feel or would feel about this? (referring to meeting/talking to birth family members)

    4. d.

      If want to meet/talk, How do you think _________ (birth parents/birth family) feel or would feel about this (meeting/talking)?

  6. 78.

    Would you like to know (anything) more about your birth parents (birth mother/birth father/other birth family members)?

    1. a.

      If YES, what kinds of things would you like to know?

ASK OF ALL RESPONDENTS…

  1. 79.

    Are there any things that you really like about ______________ (birth parents or birth family), from what you know?

  2. 80.

    Are there any things that bother or worry you about ______________ (birth parents or birth family), from what you know?

  3. 81.

    Since you know what it’s like to be an adopted child, what kinds of things would you tell people who want to adopt a child to help them be really good parents to that child?

  4. 82.

    Is there any advice you would give to other children who are adopted? Or to others about adoption?

  5. 83.

    We’ve talked a lot about adoption and your family. Is there anything else you’d like to tell me about being adopted or about your family? (Probe: Is there anything else you’d like to tell me about your birth parents/birth family? Your adoptive parents? Your siblings?)

THANK YOU SO MUCH for talking with me! You did an excellent job. Do you have any questions before we go to the next activity?

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Farr, R.H., Crain, E.E., Oakley, M.K. et al. Microaggressions, Feelings of Difference, and Resilience Among Adopted Children with Sexual Minority Parents. J Youth Adolescence 45, 85–104 (2016). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10964-015-0353-6

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  • DOI: https://doi.org/10.1007/s10964-015-0353-6

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