Abstract
The action sequence described in this little story nicely illustrates a six-year-old girl’s resilience in a situation of emotional distress. It not only shows that this child makes use of several strategies to cope with the stressful event, but also that these coping options are employed in a particular order. Initially, the little girl acts according to a basic reaction tendency: when an aversive stimulus is encountered, she withdraws from the situation. Apparently overwhelmed by the intensity of her negative feeling state, she can only run in order to seek comfort elsewhere. Later on, when she’s quietened down a bit, she recognizes the inappropriateness of this action from a social relationship point of view and tries to make it up with her friend. Finally, as it becomes clear that her friend does not respond to her plea, she takes refuge in a mental solution. A reappraisal of the mutual friendship relation results in a negative evaluation of her playmate: ’she’s bossy and stupid’. This mental manipulation subsequently influences the little girl’s behaviour as well. As her former friend does not deserve her loyalty any more, the girl feels free to make a new friend, which she does with amazing speed and determination.
One day, six-year-old Marcia was playing with her friends in front of the house. Her father, who was inside, suddenly heard a lot of commotion. A few moments later, the daughter came rushing in. Between sobs, she told her father that she’d had a terrible quarrel with her playmates. She felt angry, humiliated and betrayed. Especially, since the opposition had been led by her best friend Julia. After a while, she dried her tears, took courage, and went out again. The father watched her approaching her friend. They talked for a minute. But everything was clearly in vain. His daughter left the group with another girl, someone with whom she had never really played before. Much later Marcia came home. Happy and excited she announced that she had made a new friend. When her father asked her about Julia, she simply said: ’She is bossy and stupid. She isn’t my friend any more.’
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Terwogt, M.M., Stegge, H. (1995). Children’s Understanding of the Strategic Control of Negative Emotions. In: Russell, J.A., Fernández-Dols, JM., Manstead, A.S.R., Wellenkamp, J.C. (eds) Everyday Conceptions of Emotion. NATO ASI Series, vol 81. Springer, Dordrecht. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-94-015-8484-5_21
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