Embracing Mindfulness During Interpersonal Conflict
- Open Access
- 23-03-2026
- GUIDELINES
Abstract
Delen
Interpersonal conflicts in the workplace tend to be costly for organizations and harmful to people (Kundi & Badar, 2021). Among such conflicts, episodes of customer incivility are pervasive in service industries (Baker & Kim, 2020; Kaakour & Ali, 2024; Mattar, 2021; Spector et al., 2014). They negatively impact employee morale and performance (Wu et al., 2023; Yorgov, 2024), and are associated with employee anxiety, depression and a sense of degradation or worthlessness (Yagil, 2008). Mindfulness meditation is a resource for alleviating stress arising from encounters involving conflict and incivility (Baker & Kim, 2020; Jang et al., 2020) while mindfulness in action can help service providers interact peacefully with angry and aggressive service recipients (Wang et al., 2021).
Dysfunctional internal conflicts in organizations are also commonplace and bear high costs for organizations and their members (Dirrler & Podruzsik, 2022). Mindfulness in action enables individuals to reduce and resolve dysfunctional workplace conflict (Kay & Skarlicki, 2020; Reb et al., 2020). Associated mental processes include focusing attention on the present moment, reducing reactivity to maladaptive emotions and cognitions such as anger, anxiety and defensiveness, and evoking prosocial dispositions such as empathy, compassion and forgiveness (Riskin, 2014; Vago & Silbersweig, 2012).
Moving toward solutions, Riskin and Wohl (2015) recommended steps for deploying mindfulness in conflict situations, but they did not provide actual case examples. In a field setting, Harris et al. (2007) explained how mindfulness enabled members of a community law centre peacefully to advance justice for disempowered community groups within a run-down urban neighbourhood throughout a prolonged series of conflicts with powerful elites. Inspired by Riskin and Wohl (2015) and Harris et al. (2007), we considered that mindfulness has an important and constructive role to play in addressing and resolving workplace based interpersonal conflicts. Hence, in this paper, we offer integrated, practice-oriented guidance on how individuals can apply mindfulness to manage such conflicts, supported by seven illustrative cases drawn from our research with 20 practitioners of mindfulness, while also discussing contemporary research on mindfulness and conflict.
Approaches to Mindfulness
Among three approaches, Langerian mindfulness originated in the late 1970s in the USA. It focuses on drawing novel distinctions, enhancing openness to new information, creating new perceptual categories and embracing multiple perspectives (Langer & Moldoveanu, 2000). While this approach might be valuable in developing creative solutions to resolve conflicts, our interviewees drew mainly on two other approaches, explained in the following paragraphs.
The Buddhist approach originated in ancient India, is meditation-based, emphasizes psycho-spiritual aspects (Purser & Milillo, 2014) and if applied in “pure” form in contemporary times would aspire to transform workplaces into communities of enlightenment, harmony and compassion (Qiu & Rooney, 2019). This, along with other religious approaches, would suggest invoking a sense of underlying, foundational unity and prioritizing the need for mutual well-being to overcome divisiveness in conflict situations.
The Kabat-Zinn approach seeks to apply Buddhist meditative techniques for modern, secular contexts (Brown & Ryan, 2003). Applications include the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program, which was originally targeted at improving patients’ mental health but has also been adapted for staff in helping professions (Christodoulou et al., 2024), focusing on reducing stress and promoting well-being for individuals. This approach implies the need to remain as calm as possible during conflict episodes, thereby reducing the likelihood of counterproductive “fight or flight” reactions.
The Kabat-Zinn approach has, however, been subject to the critique of “McMindfulness”, which alleges that contemporary mindfulness training focuses narrowly on self-help techniques, thereby abandoning the traditional path of spiritual awakening and collective harmony, grounded in Buddhist philosophy (Driscoll & Wiebe, 2007; Purser, 2019).
Countering this critique, Anālayo (2020) argued that the degree to which mindfulness practitioners pursue enlightenment may be a matter of personal choice and is not precluded by the Kabat-Zinn training approach. He mentioned the historical case of Pasenadi, a king in India during ancient times, who overcame habitual over-eating by following mindfulness guidance about food ingestion. While benefiting from this “bare bones” application, Pasenadi lacked broader interest in mindfulness. For example, he continued to direct his soldiers to engage in gratuitous warfare.
In contrast to the case of Pasenadi, Anālayo (2020) quoted Thich Nhat Hanh (2008, p. 77), who wrote that “truly engaged Buddhism is first of all practicing mindfulness in all that we do”, implying that is desirable for mindfulness practitioners to try their best to apply mindfulness as a resource for peace and well-being. Quoting Kabat-Zinn (2011, p. 291), Anālayo (2020) also implied that mindfulness practitioners can choose where and when to apply mindfulness, reflecting that “the liberative choice in any moment either to cling and self-identify or not is always available, always an option”. We would qualify this assumption by acknowledging that mindfulness practitioners’ ability to refrain from impulsivity in conflict situations may also depend on the level of their psychic energy, replenished and restored through meditation.
Key Associated Concepts
Doing Mode and Being Mode
Citing Williams (2008), Lyddy and Good (2017) identified two cognitive modes, i.e., Doing mode and Being mode, which are available to individuals when practicing mindfulness during work engagement. They characterized the Doing mode as the operational, work-oriented component, focused on setting and achieving practical goals and on taking corrective action as necessary. They also identified some vulnerabilities of the Doing mode, including inclination to adopt expediency-driven simplifications of more complex states of affairs, along with the risk of acting impulsively. Lyddy and Good (2017) contrasted this mode with the Being mode, which they regarded as the mindfulness component, a grounding resource that is open to the fullness and richness of the present moment, and is able to maintain psychological distance from the mental content of interpretations and from automatic judgements, thereby attenuating and calming the various impulses and obsessions that might otherwise arise from the Doing mode. The implication for conflict management is that in conflict situations, the Being mode can potentially serve as a resource for overriding immediate “knee jerk” reactions to frustration and anger and for moving toward wiser and more considered responses.
Entanglement, Disentanglement and Mindfulness Meditation
Lyddy and Good (2017) characterized entanglement at work as a form of experience where an individual is completely engrossed and entrapped in the actions, thoughts and potential agitations of the Doing mode while lacking access to the Being mode. They contrasted entanglement with disentanglement at work, a form of experience where the individual continues to engage the Doing mode but also draws on the Being mode to step back mentally and moderate the agitations and impulses of the Doing mode, which we consider to be especially important during episodes of conflict. Lyddy and Good (2017) noted, however, that while entanglement can be triggered by intense or disturbing events, one’s ability to establish or re-establish the dual-mode state of disentanglement typically requires the deliberate use of techniques for becoming disentangled. These include momentarily pausing interaction or taking time-out from a meeting to calm one’s emotions through deep, steady breathing (Lyddy & Good, 2017). As distinct from disentanglement, mindfulness meditation is a third form of experience, where one assigns a longer period of quiet time to observe present thoughts and bodily sensations, suspend automatic judgements and move toward a sense of equanimity (Ivanovski & Malhi, 2007). This entails accessing the Being mode, and allowing the contents of the Doing mode to ebb away during the meditation.
Properties and Processes of Mindfulness
Mindfulness in conflict situations can be practiced via the Being mode if an individual is willing and able to invoke and maintain a state of disentanglement in the face of provocations and actual or potential frustration and anger. Inter-related functions associated with the Being mode that may take place during disentanglement include meta-awareness, disidentification and reduced reactivity, which Bernstein et al. (2015) subsume under the construct of decentering. Meta-awareness constitutes self-scrutiny of subjective experiences, through observation of one’s own processes of thinking, feeling and physical sensations. Disidentification involves maintaining psychological distance from these internal processes. Reduced reactivity entails the attenuation of habitual judgements and behavioural responses (Lindsay & Creswell, 2017; Sauer et al., 2011).
Together, these processes of decentering facilitate mindful reappraisal, i.e. reinterpretation of ostensibly adverse events as potential developmental opportunities (Garland et al., 2017; Hanley et al., 2021), paving the way for careful, deliberate, reasonable, values-based actions via the Doing mode. In conflict situations, these processes entail stepping back from the “heat” of the moment, taking stock of the interplay between outer events and one’s inner experiences, and formulating a calm and constructive response. Huston et al., (2011, p. 417) provided an illustrative vignette, featuring a student of a mindfulness course, who, reflecting on her friend’s inconsiderate behaviour, noticed her own immediate anger, was able to look past this to realize that her own passivity may have perpetuated her friend’s misbehaviour and chose to respond assertively rather than aggressively.
Mindfulness and Managing Conflict and Incivility
Mindfulness has been found to have positive impacts on conflict management (Kay & Skarlicki, 2020; Reb et al., 2020). Rooney et al. (2021) imply that there are several reasons why mindfulness is conducive to constructive conflict management. One reason is that mindfulness can, through reduced reactivity, increase self-control over one’s emotional and cognitive states and thereby attenuate and overcome ingrained, impulsive and dysfunctional habits of responding to provocation that might otherwise constrain wise behavior. A second reason is that practicing mindfulness can, through decentering, improve individuals’ skill in observing their own role in a conflict, paving the way for taking non-defensive action to resolve that conflict. A third reason is that the mental space that mindfulness provides leaves room for “acting with compassion, kindness and tolerance” (Rooney et al., 2021, p. 190).
As noted above, episodes of work-related conflict often involve customer incivility. Some jurisdictions provide legal protections against incivility, and some organizations offer further protection through zero-tolerance policies (Vijayakumar & Rajagopal, 2024). Notwithstanding such arrangements, formal policies may provide insufficient protection for employees, while also failing to address the underlying causes of service recipient dissatisfaction (Fan et al., 2022; Yorgov, 2024). In such cases, because compassion for self and others is an inherent underpinning of mindfulness (Germer & Neff, 2019), in contexts where perpetrators of aggressive behaviour are severely distressed, service employees who practice mindfulness, while being intolerant of physical violence, may also be able to evoke their concern for others, even when facing psychological abuse. For example, in a study of how hospitality employees in China responded to mistreatment by customers, Yin et al. (2023) inferred that some were drawing on mindfulness to respond gently instead of impulsively “acting out”, thereby soothing customers’ anger and de-escalating the conflict.
Anālayo (2012) considered that invoking mindfulness during social interaction dampens one’s dysfunctional impulses such as anger and aggression, thereby protecting others from one’s own dark side. He also argued that a mindful demeanour, characterized by patience, forbearance and tranquillity, offers self-protection during conflicts because it encourages others, in reciprocation, to refrain from vengefulness and aggression. Lyddy and Good (2017: 11) provided an example of how a therapist calmly and effectively feigned submission to ward off a potential assault by an angry patient.
Riskin and Wohl (2015) prescribed steps for mindfully handling conflict encounters. Their suggested steps include momentarily stopping one’s Doing mode activity, taking a mindful breath, and then observing and acknowledging without judgement one’s own body sensations, emotions and thoughts, setting clear and simple intentions, adopting the emotional tone of kindness and calmness, and taking stock of one’s own positions and interests as well as those of the other(s). By analyzing interviewees’ accounts of their mindfulness practices during conflict encounters, we conducted research to develop our understanding about how individuals can invoke disentanglement, and how they can plan and undertake nonaggressive action that contributes to resolving the conflict.
A Research Basis for Our Guidelines
We conducted in-depth, semi-structured interviews with sample of a key informants (Akhter, 2022), comprising ten males and ten females working in nine different industries (see Table 1). All but three were ethnic Chinese. Each had participated in various self-chosen mindfulness development programs and activities, but only one interviewee had received mindfulness training that was sponsored by their employer (see Table 2). Each interview lasted 1–2 h and followed an interview guide with topics adapted from Lyddy and Good (2017). A major portion of each interview asked interviewees to relate narrative vignettes (Riessman, 1993) about how they had attempted to practice mindfulness during conflict situations. Each interviewee received our initial analysis of their interview and was encouraged to give feedback and suggestions to ensure that their narrative vignettes and comments were accurately captured.
Table 1
Demographic profile of the interviewees
No | Job nature | Industry | Years in work | Sex | Location | Religion |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1 | Lecturer/national sports team manager | Education and sports coaching | 18 | F | Hong Kong | N/A |
2 | Content strategist | Advertising | 14 | F | Hong Kong | N/A |
3 | Marketing solutions manager | Advertising | 9 | F | Hong Kong | N/A |
4 | Investment banker | Banking and Finance | 12 | M | New Zealand | N/A |
5 | Entrepreneur | Public relations | 10 | F | Hong Kong | N/A |
6 | Lecturer | Higher education | 1 | M | Hong Kong | N/A |
7 | Doctor | Medicine | 27 | M | Hong Kong | Catholic |
8 | Information management | Public services | 11 | M | Hong Kong | Buddhist |
9 | Chef and counsellor | Hospitality/ NGO | 40 | M | USA | N/A |
10 | Sinologist | Higher education | 16 | M | Australia | N/A |
11 | Learning and talent manager | Health care | 11 | F | Hong Kong | N/A |
12 | Owner, retired | Stockbroking | 30 + | M | Hong Kong | Buddhist |
13 | Department head | Hygiene | 25 | F | Hong Kong | Buddhist |
14 | Owner, retired | Finance, wellness education | 30 + | M | Hong Kong | Buddhist |
15 | Transformation manager | Finance | 12 | M | Hong Kong | N/A |
16 | Insurance agent | Finance | 25 | F | Hong Kong | Buddhist |
17 | Designer | Building services | 20 + | F | Hong Kong | Buddhist |
18 | Lecturer | Higher education | 11 | M | Hong Kong | Buddhist |
19 | Engineer | Building services | 10 | F | Hong Kong | N/A |
20 | Communication specialist, executive coach | Communication | 28 + | F | Australia | Jewish |
Table 2
Mindfulness training received and meditation patterns
No | Mindfulness training received | Practice began | Type and frequency of ongoing practice |
|---|---|---|---|
1 | Part of a Certificate in Sports and Exercise Psychology (2 years part-time) | 2007 | Breathing exercises while lying on a fit-ball, yoga, meditation to music (all on most days) |
2 | YouTube video and two × 1–h workshops | 2013 | Yoga classes, 1–2 times a week |
3 | Practice meditation on YouTube; Vipassana silent retreat (10 days) | 2021 | Sitting meditation (10 min), 5–7 days a week |
4 | Tim Ferriss Show episode; Headspace and Calm apps; Vipassana retreat (10 days) | 2014 | App-led meditation (10 min) most days except during holidays |
5 | Books; yoga meditation retreat in Southeast Asia (6 days) | 2018 | Body scan and pranayama breathing exercises (most days), journaling (most days) occasional yoga classes; occasional chanting |
6 | Headspace meditation app (since early 2020) | 2020 | Headspace meditation (10–15 min) daily before sleep; occasional mindful walking |
7 | Sports Medicine, Newlife 330 app, Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (8 weeks) | 2018 | Mindful stretching, mindful walking (both daily) |
8 | Workshops (Plum village practice center) (1–2 weeks) | 2018 | Mindful walking, mindful eating and sitting meditation (all done once a week) |
9 | Personally coached, retreats | 1992 | Sitting meditation (daily); walking meditation (occasionally) |
10 | Dhamma retreat (10 days) | 2018 | Sitting meditation (10–15 min) several times a week; occasional retreats lasting 1–3 days |
11 | The potential project—Mindfulness workshop at work | Not disclosed | Guided meditation led by Balance or Core apps on the bus to work (weekdays); yoga (4–5 days a week) |
12 | Meditation practice in Buddhism (3 months), part of a Master of Arts in Buddhist Studies (1-year full time) | 2013 | Sitting meditation (35 min) daily; breathing exercises or silently chanting Buddha scriptures when taking public transport (weekdays) |
13 | Buddhism course at Fo Guang University; Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy (8 weeks part time); Vipassana retreat (10 days) | 2014 | Sitting or lying down meditation (5–10 min) 2–3 times a week; plus occasional sitting meditation taking public transport |
14 | Buddhist courses on Sudarshan Kriya and Samadhi breathing and sitting; Zen-based mediation; Bhavana and sitting meditation; walking meditation through visits to masters Thích Nhất Hạnh and Dejian | 2000 | Mindful breathing (Anapana), everyday 30 min every morning and evening |
15 | YouTube videos; on-line “Tree” guided meditation course with 6 classes | 2021 | Breath observation meditation (15 min daily) |
16 | Transformational Leadership for Excellence (altogether 20 + hours) | 2004 | Twice a day, breathing and sitting meditation (20–30 min each time) |
17 | Modern Zen meditation course at Fo Guang University (weekly, over 3 months) | 2022 | Breathing meditation (Weekly) |
18 | Meditation workshop at a Buddhist temple, and online instruction | 2012 | Sitting meditation; loving kindness meditation, guided by recordings of the Tsz Shan Monastery and other Buddhist institutions (infrequent) |
19 | Online mindfulness breathing guidance program, pre-recorded on Xiaohongshu (social media) (across 21 days) | 2022 | Guided lying down breathing exercise every other day (10 min each time) |
20 | Chopra Centre and Hawaii meditation (total 17 days); reading books on meditation; workshop on Wim Hof breathing techniques | 2012 | Daily breath meditation (2 or 3 sessions of 5 min each) |
A total of 34 narrative vignettes were provided by our interviewees about the role of mindfulness in conflict situations, and we have selected seven work-related illustrative cases for this paper. Among these, five were chosen because we considered that the interviewees’ accounts were especially clear and detailed, that they had come under heavy emotional pressure or provocation and that they had been able to invoke and maintain disentanglement for psychological distance, mental quiet and perspective-taking. Of the remaining two cases, one is about how an interviewee prepared for meetings with angry clients, and the other is about how organizational support through meditation exercises was provided for employees, who were suffering abuse from clients.
Guidelines for Mindful Conflict Management
We begin this section by sharing the featured cases. We then go on to review the various methods that were adopted within and beyond these cases for inducing and maintaining disentanglement, regarding goal setting for peaceful action, and for acting peacefully. Given our mixed sample of practitioners, who were following either the Kabat-Zinn approach or the more religiously grounded Buddhist approach, we consider that our guidelines are likely to apply broadly across both approaches. We conclude the section by examining meditation as an energy resource for peaceful conflict management.
The Cases
Case A: How a Sports Coach Resisted Provocation by Media Reporters
P1 had been serving as a sports coach for a youth team, representing Hong Kong and competing internationally. She described how media reporters typically engaged in verbal bullying whenever her team lost, which was a frequent event, given the comparatively small population of Hong Kong. The context may nonetheless have been relatively favourable to P1. Research suggests that audiences tend to trust sports coaches (Thompson & Mcilroy, 2017), whereas sports journalism has been characterized as lacking in professional legitimacy (Rowe, 2007). Still, the onus was on P1 to earn the respect of the audience.
Goal setting for peaceful action. After each match, P1 made sure to keep her “irascible” deputy coach away from media scrutiny and resolved to project a positive demeanour throughout media encounters. She said:
The crazy media people tend to go on and on with the same questions. Once you’ve been to many tournaments, the media know you and they know who they can easily wind up and who would be more difficult to wind up. When you’re surrounded by media people and you’re asked provocative questions, you can’t roll your eyes. You must smile at the camera, no matter how hard it is.
Getting ready, staying ready. P1 reminded herself to use some in-the-moment methods for invoking and maintaining disentanglement and non-reactivity. She said:
I’ve been trained in using positive imagery and relaxation techniques, so I’ve been able to switch off my negative feelings about the media. On such occasions, I’ve taken a breath and grabbed a pen and squeezed it under the table or just held it. Or sometimes I’ve held a safety pin, so I’d be releasing my stress subtly. Just holding the pin because it’s a texture to help provide refocus and re-attention.
Acting peacefully. P1 also characterized the kind of self-affirmatory statement that she made when questioned about her team’s performance after a heavy defeat.
I would say something like, “We play the top teams in the world, and many teams don’t even have that opportunity, so I see this occasion as a win for us, not a failure.”
Cases B–E: Addressing Abusive Service Recipient Behaviour
We now go on to analyse four cases (cases B–E), which feature abusive and aggressive behaviour by service recipients. In relation to cases B and C, we analyse mindful self-preparation as well as how the problematic behaviour was mindfully addressed face-to face. The context for cases C–E is the banking industry in Hong Kong, where prevalent customer sovereignty ideology (Vuong et al., 2025) and relatively weak labour protections (Korczynski & Evans, 2013; Pun et al., 2022) may render service employees especially vulnerable to customer aggression.
Case B
P7, a physician, reported having experienced several incidents of abusive behaviour by patients. Regarding the context of such incidents, he said:
Diagnostic methods are not infallible and sometimes they fail to detect a serious problem that becomes apparent later. In such cases, a patient may become very angry. Their anger might initially be directed toward my reception staff, but it will eventually end up with me during the consultation, with the patient fiercely condemning me and pouring accusations at me.
Getting ready. Hearing the commotion, P7 would invoke disentanglement immediately prior to conflict encounters with angry patients:
In such cases, mindfulness can help me to prepare to face the patient’s negative emotions. Before the patient enters, I will tidy up some things and take six breaths in one minute to calm myself down, so that meeting the angry patient will not be too stressful to my body and mind. Usually, I can establish composure during the fourth breath.
Acting peacefully. While Hong Kong based service providers tend not to be protected by legislation or zero tolerance policies, P7’s expert power may have provided some protection for him as members of the public tend to hold medical doctors in high esteem (Goranson et al., 2020). He explained how he would attempt to defuse conflict with the aggrieved patient by offering a sincere apology:
As a physician, when meeting angry patients, I always apologize for my own mistakes or those of my team. After these unhappy consultations, I will call the patient to invite another consultation and apologize again. I am grateful that none of these patients has continued to speak harshly to me during these follow-up consultations.
Case C
In his former job at a bank, P14 often faced interpersonal abuse by clients. Regarding the context of such encounters, he said:
Aggrieved clients believed that they were in a strong position and they could be very unreasonable.
Getting ready. P14 explained how he would mentally prepare for meetings with aggrieved clients by setting aside time to invoke disentanglement prior to a conflict encounter:
I would find a space if I was alone in my office, or in the coffee shop downstairs, or reluctantly I might walk to the toilet. After learning mindfulness, it was easy for me to transform myself. Based on guidance from my mindfulness teacher, I created a mantra that could help me to calm down before difficult situations at work. With practice, I was able to calm myself through just one inhale and one exhale while silently chanting the mantra.
P14 reported two additional related cases, where he applied mindfulness in the moment to face aggressive and abusive behaviour by aggrieved service recipients.
Case D
P14 described the context as follows:
During the financial tsunami in 2008, a client had lost hundreds of millions of Hong Kong Dollars and came to lodge a complaint, claiming that the bank had made him lose his money. I was tasked to handle his complaint as I was responsible for the entire Mainland China market. I was briefed that he was a relative of a Chinese official and was threatening to sue the bank. During the meeting, he began shouting at me using a very harsh tone of voice and with a lot of foul language.
Staying ready. P14 described how he set about maintaining disentanglement and non-reactivity during this conflict encounter:
The client continued to chastise me for about an hour. As he was doing this, I maintained a rhythm of deep breathing to keep myself calm. I also wrote down a detailed record of his complaints. I found that taking detailed notes could also help alleviate my stress.
Goal setting for peaceful action, and taking peaceful action. Although the client appeared to have a strong sense of privilege and entitlement, and had flaunted his connection with power elites, P14 stepped back from prejudgement and moved toward constructive problem-solving:
I understood that the client was in great distress and reminded myself that I was there to help, so I expressed my sympathy to him. After he had exhausted his complaints, I took another deep breath and began to explain in detail what I was going to do to follow up on his concerns.
Case E
P14 described the context of a similar case:
One of my clients had applied unsuccessfully for a bank loan. Although he was in urgent need of cash, we couldn’t help him get the loan because he didn’t satisfy the conditions. During the meeting with me, he jabbed his finger in the direction of my nose and shouted out that I was incompetent because I couldn’t help him. He fiercely criticised the bank for “closing umbrellas in the rain” and said he would complain to the Hong Kong Monetary Authority.
Getting ready, staying ready. As with case D, P14 described how he set about maintaining disentanglement and non-reactivity during this conflict encounter:
I noticed that I was also feeling agitated, so I used some mindfulness techniques to restrain myself from talking back to this client. For example, I maintained a deep breathing rhythm, observed my breaths, and gently swayed my body sideways and back and forth to relieve my stress.
Goal setting for peaceful action. In comparison with case D, case E appeared to invoke in P14 a greater sense of the need to express compassion to address the distress of the client:
I also became aware of a sense of compassion within myself, as I sensed that some inner disturbance was causing this client to lose his temper unreasonably, and that if this incident was not resolved properly, the consequences could be severe for him.
Acting peacefully. As with case D, P14 was eventually able to move toward constructive problem solving. As P14 explained:
Eventually, the client grew tired of shouting and finger-pointing and at that point I was able to advise him of some alternatives. Listening to him provided a personal touch that he appeared to need, and subsequently he came back to me for more advice.
Case F: Using Meditation to Alleviate the Stress of Facing Abusive Customer Behaviour
This case features how, after being promoted to a senior position in his bank, P14 provided support to his service employees. He explained the context as follows:
There were over 100 people in my department, and reflecting my own previous experience, they were subject to abusive behaviour from customers. Most had strong technical ability, but many seemed to have difficulty handling their emotions when facing customer abuse, and there were many expressions of grievance about this problem. I believed that if I could help them handle their emotions, they would be better able to apply their expertise.
Restoration through meditation. P14 described how he regularly ran sessions for his staff on guided meditation:
After the bank closed doors to customers at the end of the day, I would call meetings where staff could voice their concerns. Also, I would guide them through a silent meditation. I would guide them to close their eyes, and we would take deep breaths together for 3 minutes, sometimes 5 minutes. I would also play soft music in accompaniment. It was very important that the top management of the organization allowed me to conduct the meditation with the employees. I also kept a stock of paper tissues in the office room. Very often, staff would need to relieve their emotions after the meditation, and I encouraged them to do so if they needed to.
Case G: Resolving a Conflict with Board Members About Relations with Service Recipients
P5, a female business owner-manager, described the context as follows:
While I have my own business, I don’t want clients to violate my professional boundaries and intrude into my private space. However, during a meeting with my two male co-directors, who are passive shareholders, they urged me to be more “collaborative” with clients, saying that it should be OK for clients to expect me always to be available to serve them. These directors are older than me, and are more established in their business fields. In Chinese culture, they may believe that their advice carries weight because of this. Following that meeting, P5 felt unable to let the matter rest, and after a few weeks she called another meeting to revisit the issue.
Goal setting for peaceful action. P5 said:
I decided that I just can’t go on with this with this expectation. It’s the last thing I want for my own business, and for the sake of my own mental health I didn’t want to endure such pressure.
Getting ready. P5 continued:
I kept on with pranayama breathing practice, body scan, and chanting.
Acting peacefully. P5 explained how she was able to contradict her co-directors in a way that was respectful to them:
At the next meeting, although I was still feeling angry inside, I kept my cool while holding strong on my stance and making this clear to them. I acknowledged that their advice was based on what had worked for them and that they had been kindly sharing their advice, but I also explained, logically and calmly, that this was not appropriate for me. They respected my position and didn’t push me any further. In the end, the results were what I wanted basically, without jeopardizing our personal relationships.
Review of Methods Adopted
Getting Ready, Staying Ready
Table 3 identifies two methods that interviewees relating the seven featured cases said they used to induce and maintain disentanglement during those cases. The first method is self-calming, with five means for this illustrated. Among these means, the most mentioned one related to breathing work, and is illustrated in all seven featured cases. Other means involve catchword or mantra chanting (cases C and G), body swaying (case E), positive imagery (case A) and peaceful space either alone (case C) or with partners in hardship (case F).
Table 3
Methods for inducing and maintaining disentanglement: “getting ready, staying ready”
Method | Means | Salient cases |
|---|---|---|
Self-calming | Find peaceful space alone (or with “comrades in adversity”*) to dispel unhappiness or anxiety | C F* |
Take a belly breath, or deep, rhythmic breaths; observe or count breaths | A B C D E F G | |
Gently sway my body | E | |
Inwardly or quietly chant a catchword or mantra | C G | |
Invoke positive imagery | A | |
Mental presence yet psychological distance | Gently hold a pointed object like a pen or pin to focus tactile attention | A |
Note down details of any complaints or problems raised by the other | D |
The second method for disentanglement seeks to maintain mental presence yet at the same time keep psychological distance. One means for this involves gently holding a pointed object, as in case A, another involves note taking, as in case D.
Beyond the seven featured cases, and therefore not included in Table 3, among our full sample of 20 interviewees, there were some mentions of the role of invoking optimistic beliefs as a method for inducing and maintaining disentanglement. One means for this involves positive self-talk, such as consciously assuming that subsequent meditation would dissipate any bad feelings arising in oneself from a conflict encounter. For example, P3 explained how she prepared herself for reduced reactivity in meetings with a teammate, with whom she had had several disagreements:
I think about the work that I’ve done in Vipassana and understand that whatever negative emotion I’m feeling will go away, and that’s one way how I put the Vipassana practice into day-to-day work.
A complementary means involves assuming an optimistic view about others’ potential to be persuaded. As P2 said, on encountering teammates’ resistance to her ideas:
I try to control my emotions by thinking that they are simply taking a different perspective. I won’t lose my temper, and l won’t say nasty words or accuse them of being narrow-minded. I’ll just do more homework, improve my proposal, and give them more time to digest it.
Goal Setting for Peaceful Action
Table 4 identifies three types of goals expressed by interviewees in relation to how to conduct themselves vis-à-vis the conflict parties as the featured cases unfolded. These goals were clear and straightforward. One type of goal focuses on self-restraint. These include resolving to calm down before responding to any disturbance (cases B and G), not to act impulsively (cases A and E) and not to give overt expression to anger or frustration (case A). The second type of goal concerns the need to relate to the conflict party in a peaceful manner. These goals include creating an appropriate conversational space (case G), acting respectfully and reasonably (case A), being empathic or compassionate (case D), letting the other vent anger if this is done without physical violence (case E) and using one’s expertise as a resource for conflict resolution (case E). The third type of goal sought self-protection, as in case G, where P5 resolved to resist a proposed arrangement that she considered would be harmful to her health.
Table 4
Formulating clear and straightforward intentions
Type of goal | Specific goals | Salient cases |
|---|---|---|
Self-restraint—intentions | Calm down before responding | B G |
Don’t let emotion or impulse dictate my actions | A E | |
Avoid overt expression of anger or frustration | A | |
Intentions about peacefully relating to the other | If possible, find a comfortable space for a conversation | G |
Act in a positive, polite, reasonable, fair, respectful manner | A | |
Embrace empathy, compassion for the other | D | |
Allow the other to vent and dissipate any anger non-violently | E | |
Use my expertise to help if this can resolve the conflict | E | |
Self-protection | Not to be harmed mentally or physically | G |
Beyond the featured cases, and therefore excluded from Table 4, there were mentions of task-related intentions among our full sample of 20 interviewees. These intentions included setting realistic targets, taking stock of problems, identifying options and solving problems in step-by-step fashion. For example, P15 said, regarding the task of advancing a systems transformation project while tackling disagreements among stakeholders about solutions:
Mindfulness has given me the opportunity to make choices. I can jump out of the box and think about what my options are, and what are the implications and consequences behind each option. My mind is more open.
Acting Peacefully
Table 5 identifies four types of peaceful action that interviewees said they had taken during the featured cases. The first of these involved helpful listening, specifically in the form of listening to allegations without jumping in to contest them (cases B and C), and acknowledging or summarizing any allegations (cases B and D). The second type of peaceful action involves offering a sincere, authentic apology, if applicable (case B). The third type focuses on maintaining one’s relationship with the conflict party, including finding something to praise about them (case G) and not letting any agitation within oneself disrupt the communication process (cases B and G). The fourth type is based on making positive or assertive statements, which may include positive “spin” (case A), and offering a calm, well-timed positional statement (cases D, E and G).
Table 5
Acting peacefully yet assertively to defuse and resolve conflicts
Type of peaceful action | Specific peaceful action | Salient cases |
|---|---|---|
Helpful listening | Listening to any complaints or accusations without fighting back | B C |
Acknowledging, summarizing any complaint | B D | |
Sincere apology | Apologizing and taking responsibility if I made a mistake | B |
Maintaining the relationship | Finding something to praise about the other | G |
Not letting inner agitation disrupt communication | B G | |
Positive or assertive statements | Telling a positive story if there is one to tell | A |
Stating my position calmly, once the other is ready to listen | D E G |
Beyond the featured cases, and therefore excluded from Table 5, some of our 20 interviewees mentioned collaborating to solve a problem. For example, P12 had hired professional consultants to help in the de-listing of a company but after 3 years they had made little progress. P12 said:
Because the consultants were struggling, I informally discussed the situation with people I knew from the Securities and Futures Commission, and they suggested some ways forward. I took their suggestions back to the consultants I had hired, and together we found a way to resolve the problem and settle the matter. I didn’t lose my temper with the consultants even though I had paid them to handle the problem and they weren’t delivering. Instead, my sharing greatly improved their morale and sense of direction, and they worked hard to complete the task.
Meditation as an Energy Resource for Peaceful Conflict Management
Our interviewees recommended regular practice of mindfulness meditation to establish disentanglement as a habit and to provide the necessary energy and values commitment to maintain that habit. As P3 said:
For 10 minutes in the morning before I start the day, I just sit there, practicing Vipassana, the meditative practice that I do, and then I go on with my day. This gets easier the more I do it, and it carries over to my work, where I generally have good relationships. I enjoy being present in every moment, and people sometimes ask me how I can manage to be so calm, even when conflicts arise.
This is not to imply that only seasoned practitioners benefit from mindfulness. Studies have found that even brief exposure to mindfulness training (around 8 h spread over 5 weeks) can reduce psychological distress among employees (Bartlett et al., 2017; Grégoire & Lachance, 2015). Again, however, it may be necessary to establish a meditation routine. Among our interviewees, P8 explained:
After I began learning meditation, I found that there were still emotional flashpoints, but at least I could observe them and understand how I was feeling in the moment. I learned that it was better to be consciously aware of what was happening than being completely immersed in that emotion and unable to stand back from it.
P6, who had little more than a year’s experience of mindfulness, also said:
I strongly recommend meditation. It should be a part of the general education curriculum, because it really helps us, particularly in Hong Kong, a very stressful city in many life aspects. As Hong Kongers, we need to learn how to handle stress and be more aware of body and emotions, through regular meditation for stress-proofing.
Discussion
Based on seven focal cases and another 27 background cases, we have identified some methods for inducing and maintaining disentanglement, setting clear and straightforward goals for peaceful action and acting peacefully to defuse and resolve interpersonal conflicts. These methods were reported as ways through which our interviewees could address challenging conflict episodes mindfully and in accordance with their values.
As a caveat, we consider that in planning and engaging in peaceful and constructive conflict management, reliance on mindfulness capabilities alone, such as invoking and maintaining disentanglement, may not necessarily provide a fully robust foundation. For example, Purser (2019) alleges that there is a risk of self-absorption. Here, we mention three possible complementary practices.
One such domain is assertiveness (Castaños-Cervantes & Atristain-Suárez, 2024). Rakos (2019) characterized assertiveness, in contrast to aggressiveness as an area of practice that seeks to minimize hurt, anger or unhappiness arising for the other as a result of the pursuit of one’s own rights, while also seeking to protect oneself against exploitation. Among the seven focal cases that we analysed, cases A and G appear to have involved assertiveness.
Two other complementary practices, non-violence and compassion, are both integral to Buddhism, and we consider that they are not exclusive to Buddhism. Non-violence seeks to engage one’s full awareness in avoiding causing harm to any living being, whether directly or indirectly (Kovacs & Ocsai, 2016; Sharma, 2025). All seven focal cases appear consistent with non-violence. Compassion, which may be defined as the desire for oneself and other beings to be free of vexatious inner experiences (Chodron, 2023), appears to have been manifested in cases B, D, E and F.
Our guidelines are based on self-reports. Also, the featured cases involved fundamentally different contexts, such as sports media, healthcare, banking and boardroom disputes, with attendant differences in the type of power being exerted against the interviewees, for example coercive power in case D and normative power in case G. There is also variation according to the type of power available to the interviewees, for example, expert power in case B and position power in case G. In addition, there is variation in terms of power balance, for example in case B, the patient is highly dependent on the doctor (the interviewee), whereas in cases C and D the clients appear to be attempting to assert self-perceived customer sovereignty over the respective interviewees.
While we consider variations of this kind to be an advantage because they expand applicability of mindfulness, the small number of conflict episodes on which our guidelines are based prevents us from making comparisons of how best to practice mindfulness in specific conflict management contexts. Future guidelines might therefore focus on how mindfulness can be a resource for constructive conflict management when one is serving in particular occupational roles, if one is facing service-recipient aggression or if one is involved in disputes with peers, subordinates or superiors.
Also, our guidelines did not outline differences between informants with mainly formal Buddhist training and those with mainly secular training in mindfulness, in terms of how they responded to interpersonal conflict. While this paper did not seek to examine the impact of differences in religiosity on mindfulness practices or the impact of religious versus secular mindfulness-based interventions (Palitsky & Kaplan, 2021), some interviewees had chosen to adopt meditative practices that were rooted in their own faith (e.g. Buddhism, Catholicism or Judaism). Further work could be conducted to refine our guidelines and possibly distinguish alternative approaches for handling conflict mindfully that are based on different underlying philosophies.
Finally, a systematic review has revealed that meditation interventions and mind–body practices have had negative effects, especially mental distress, and that these have been under-reported (Taylor et al., 2022). Recommendations to instructors include encouraging participants to explore their religious or ethical beliefs before the intervention (Palitsky & Kaplan, 2021) and explaining potential psychological adverse effects of meditation or mind–body interventions as a risk-mitigation measure.
Acknowledgements
We are grateful to our 20 participants for sharing their valuable experiences with the research team regarding how they embrace mindfulness during interpersonal conflict.
Declarations
Ethical Approval
This study was performed in line with the principles of the Declaration of Helsinki. Ethics approval was obtained from the University Research Committee of The Hang Seng University of Hong Kong (Date: 10 May 2022/ No.: URC-RE-2122–022).
Informed Consent
Informed consent was obtained from all individual participants included in the study.
Competing interests
The authors declare no competing interests.
Use of Artificial Intelligence Statement
Artificial intelligence was not used.
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