Skip to main content

Positive Couple Relationships: The Evidence for Long-Lasting Relationship Satisfaction and Happiness

  • Chapter
  • First Online:
Positive Relationships

Abstract

Positive couple relationships don’t just differ in degree or frequency of certain behaviours from unhappy relationships: they are a qualitatively different environment in which the partners live. John Gottman conducted research for over 30 years on thousands of couples, both happy and distressed, and developed a model of healthy lasting relationships called the Sound Relationship House model. Using his research and model as a template, this chapter outlines the key components of healthy, satisfying and lasting relationships that also feel positive to the two individuals involved. Other research on happy marriages in different cultures, positivity in relationships, flourishing relationships and secure attachments is offered to enhance our understanding of the friendship, conflict and shared meaning dimensions of sound relationships.

Vagdevi Meunier is a clinical psychologist and Associate Professor at St. Edwards University in Austin, Texas. She has a private clinical and consulting practice in Austin where she specializes in couples and family therapy, couples workshops, training and supervision, and organisational consultation. She is a consultant and trainer with the Gottman Institute.

Wayne Baker is a professional counsellor and in private practice in Austin, Texas. He specializes in working with couples surviving the damage of infidelity and adult trauma survivors. He leads groups for men and couples.

This is a preview of subscription content, log in via an institution to check access.

Access this chapter

Chapter
USD 29.95
Price excludes VAT (USA)
  • Available as PDF
  • Read on any device
  • Instant download
  • Own it forever
eBook
USD 149.00
Price excludes VAT (USA)
  • Available as EPUB and PDF
  • Read on any device
  • Instant download
  • Own it forever
Softcover Book
USD 199.99
Price excludes VAT (USA)
  • Compact, lightweight edition
  • Dispatched in 3 to 5 business days
  • Free shipping worldwide - see info
Hardcover Book
USD 199.99
Price excludes VAT (USA)
  • Durable hardcover edition
  • Dispatched in 3 to 5 business days
  • Free shipping worldwide - see info

Tax calculation will be finalised at checkout

Purchases are for personal use only

Institutional subscriptions

References

  • Algoe, S. B., & Haidt, J. (2009). Witnessing excellence in action: The ‘other-praising’ emotions of elevation, gratitude, and admiration. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 4(2), 105–127.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Algoe, S. B., Haidt, J., & Gable, S. L. (2008). Beyond reciprocity: Gratitude and relationships in everyday life. Emotion, 8(3), 425–429. doi:10.1037/1528-3542.8.3.425.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Algoe, S. B., Gable, S. L., & Maisel, N. (2010). It’s the little things: Everyday gratitude as a booster shot for romantic relationships. Personal Relationships, 17(2), 217–233.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Atkinson, B. J. (2005). Emotional intelligence in couples therapy: Advances in neurobiology and the science of intimate relationships. New York: W.W. Norton and Company.

    Google Scholar 

  • Banse, R. (2004). Adult attachment and marital satisfaction: Evidence for dyadic configuration effects. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 21, 273–282.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Cohen, O., Geron, Y., & Farchi, A. (2009). Marital quality and global well-being among older adult Israeli couples in enduring marriages. American Journal of Family Therapy, 37, 299–317.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Cohn, M. A., Fredrickson, B. L., Brown, S. L., Mikels, J. A., & Conway, A. M. (2009). Happiness unpacked: Positive emotions increase life satisfaction by building resilience. Emotion, 9(3), 361–368.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Coontz, S. (2006). The origins of modern divorce. Family Process, 46(1), 7–16.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Diener, E., & Seligman, M. E. P. (2002). Very happy people. Psychological Science, 13(1), 81–84.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Doherty, W. (1997). The intentional family: How to build family ties in our modern world. New York: Perseus Books.

    Google Scholar 

  • Driver, J. L., & Gottman, J. M. (2004). Daily marital interactions and positive affect during marital conflict among newlywed couples. Family Process, 43(3), 301–314.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Driver, J., Tabares, A., Shapiro, A., Nahm, E. Y., & Gottman, J. M. (2003). Interactional patterns in marital success and failure: Gottman laboratory studies. In F. Walsh (Ed.), Normal family processes: Growing diversity and complexity (3rd ed., pp. 493–513). New York: Guilford Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Fincham, F. D., & Beach, S. R. H. (2007). Forgiveness and marital quality: Precursor or consequence in well-established relationships? The Journal of Positive Psychology, 2(4), 260–268.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Fincham, F. D., & Beach, S. R. H. (2010). Of memes and marriage: Towards a positive relationship science. Journal of Family Theory and Review, 2, 4–24.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Fincham, F. D., Beach, S. R. H., & Davila, J. (2004). Forgiveness and conflict resolution in marriage. Journal of Family Psychology, 18(1), 72–81.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Fredrickson, B. (2009). Positivity: Groundbreaking research reveals how to embrace the hidden strength of positive emotions, overcome negativity, and thrive. New York: Crown Publishing.

    Google Scholar 

  • Fredrickson, B., & Joiner, T. (2002). Positive emotions trigger upward spirals towards emotional wellbeing. Psychological Science, 13(2), 172–175.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Fredrickson, B. L., Cohn, M. A., Coffey, K. A., Pek, J., & Finkel, S. M. (2008). Open hearts build lives: Positive emotions, induced through loving-kindness meditation, build consequential personal resources. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 9(5), 1045–1062.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Gable, S. L., & Haidt, J. (2005). What (and why) is positive psychology? Review of General Psychology, 9(2), 103–110. doi:10.1037/1089-2680.9.2.103.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Gable, S. L., Reis, H. T., Impett, E., & Asher, E. R. (2004). What do you do when things go right? The intrapersonal and interpersonal benefits of sharing positive events. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 87(2), 228–245.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Gottman, J. M. (1995). Why marriages succeed or fail: And how you can make yours last. New York: Simon and Schuster.

    Google Scholar 

  • Gottman, J. M. (1999). The marriage clinic: A scientifically based marital therapy. New York: Norton.

    Google Scholar 

  • Gottman, J. M. (2007). Marital therapy: A research-based approach. Training manual for the level I professional workshop for clinicians. Seattle: The Gottman Institute.

    Google Scholar 

  • Gottman, J. M., & Krokoff, L. J. (1989). Marital interaction and satisfaction: A longitudinal view. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 57(1), 47–52.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2000). The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the country’s foremost relationship expert. New York: Three Rivers Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Gottman, J. M., Coan, J., Swanson, C., & Carrere, S. (1998). Predicting marital happiness and stability from newlywed interactions. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 60, 5–22.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Hahlweg, K., Revenstorf, D., & Schindler, L. (1984). Effects of behavioural marital therapy on couples’ communication and problem-solving skills. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 52(4), 553–566.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Halford, K. W., Lizzio, A., Wilson, K. L., & Occhipinti, S. (2007). Does working at your marriage help? Couple relationship self-regulation and satisfaction in the first 4 years of marriage. Journal of Family Psychology, 21(2), 185–194.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Hanson, R., & Mendius, R. (2009). The Buddha’s brain: The practical neuroscience of happiness, love, and wisdom. Oakland: New Harbinger Publications.

    Google Scholar 

  • Johnson, S. (2008). Hold me tight: Seven conversations for a lifetime of love. New York: Little Brown and Company.

    Google Scholar 

  • Jourard, S. (1959). Self-disclosure and other-cathexis. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, February 1980, 48(1), 117–118.

    Google Scholar 

  • Kantrowitz, B., & Wingert, P. (1999, April 19). The science of a good marriage. Newsweek, 133(16), 52–58.

    Google Scholar 

  • Kaslow, F. (2001). Families and family psychology: Intersecting crossroads. American Psychologist, 56(1), 37–46.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Katzir, M., Eyal, T., Meiran, N., & Kessler, Y. (2010). Imagined positive emotions and inhibitory control: The differentiated effect of pride versus happiness. Journal of Experimental Psychology. Learning, Memory, and Cognition, 36(5), 1314–1320.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Kesner, J. (2008). Why happy couples fight. Prevention, 60(9), 144.

    Google Scholar 

  • Kornfield, J. (2008). The art of forgiveness, loving kindness, and peace. New York: Bantam.

    Google Scholar 

  • Luskin, F. (2003). Forgive for good. New York: HarperOne.

    Google Scholar 

  • Lyubomirsky, S. (2007). The how of happiness: The scientific approach to getting the life you want. New York: The Penguin Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Lyubomirsky, S., King, L., & Diener, E. (2005). The benefits of frequent positive affect: Does happiness lead to success? Psychological Bulletin, 131(6), 803–855.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • McCarthy, B. W., & McCarthy, E. (2009). Discovering your couple sexual style: Sharing desire, pleasure, and satisfaction. New York: Routledge.

    Google Scholar 

  • O’Connell, M. (2008). The marriage benefit: The surprising rewards of staying together. New York: Springboard Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Rehman, U. S., & Holtzworth-Munroe, A. (2007). A cross-cultural examination of the relation of marital communication behaviour to marital satisfaction. Journal of Family Psychology, 21(4), 759–763.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Robinson, E. A., & Price, M. G. (1980). Pleasurable behaviour in marital interaction: An observational study. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 48(1), 117–118.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Sandhya, S. (2009). The social context of marital happiness in urban Indian couples: Interplay of intimacy and conflict. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 35(1), 74–96.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Seligman, M. E. P., & Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2000). Positive psychology: An introduction. American Psychologist, 55(1), 5–14. doi:10.1037//0003-066X.55.1.5.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Seligman, M. E. P., Steen, T. A., Park, N., & Peterson, C. (2005). Positive psychology progress: Empirical validation of interventions. American Psychologist, 60(5), 410–421. doi:10.1037/0003-066X.60.5.410.

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  • Sharlin, S. A., Kaslow, F. W., & Hammerschmidt, H. (2000). Together through thick and thin: A multinational study of long-term marriages. Binghamton: Haworth Clinical Practice Press.

    Google Scholar 

  • Shetty, P. (2009). India learns the meaning of divorce. The Guardian. guardian.co.uk, Wednesday February 25, 2009, 13.00 GMT.

    Google Scholar 

  • Strachman, A., & Gable, S. L. (2006). Approach and avoidance relationship commitment. Motivation and Emotion, 30(2), 117–126. doi:10.1007/s11031-006-9026-9.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Tucker, M. B., & Crouter, A. C. (2008, April). Enduring couples in varying sociocultural contexts. Family Relations, 57, 113–116.

    Article  Google Scholar 

  • Waite, L. J., & Gallagher, M. (2001). The case for marriage: Why married people are happier, healthier, and better off financially. New York: Broadway.

    Google Scholar 

  • Wallerstein, J. S., & Blakeslee, S. (1995). The good marriage: How and why love lasts. New York: Houghton Mifflin.

    Google Scholar 

  • Wallis, C. (2004). The science of happiness. Time Magazine, January 17, 2005.

    Google Scholar 

Download references

Author information

Authors and Affiliations

Authors

Corresponding author

Correspondence to Vagdevi Meunier .

Editor information

Editors and Affiliations

Rights and permissions

Reprints and permissions

Copyright information

© 2012 Springer Netherlands

About this chapter

Cite this chapter

Meunier, V., Baker, W. (2012). Positive Couple Relationships: The Evidence for Long-Lasting Relationship Satisfaction and Happiness. In: Roffey, S. (eds) Positive Relationships. Springer, Dordrecht. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-94-007-2147-0_5

Download citation

Publish with us

Policies and ethics